I get that I'm all kinds of awkward right now.
Me. My belly. The fact that my job requires me to wear tight-fitting athletic wear.
And the ever-loving fact that about 25-percent of the clients I train or teach are men.
More specifically, military men.
Marines. Sailors. Infantry.
You know the type: Men's men.
And now, thanks to my reproductive ways, they have some spandex-wearing pregnant lady yelling at them all the time.
It makes them a little uncomfortable.
While my female clients - military or not - were ecstatic when I finally told them all I was expecting a baby, most of my male clients all kind of stared at me.
Sure, some of my older, more seasoned ones - those with children themselves and plenty of experience from their pregnant wives - gave me their congratulations and best wishes.
But the rest? The young, awkward, child-less guys who like to stare at themselves while they pump iron in the gym mirror?
Well, they're the reason I get to have conversations like this every day....
***
Male Client: So, uh, I hear your pregnant, right?Me: Oh, yes. The baby is due in June.
Male Client: Oh my gosh! So you're like really pregnant! Why didn't you tell us sooner?
Me: Well, I did tell people back in December, but I think you were working night shifts then. I'm sorry you're just now finding out. Boy, you must have been super confused. You must have thought I'd just gained some weight. Like I really started to let myself go or something. (insert joking laugh here)
Male Client: nothing...longest pause ever...then...a serious, silent nod.
Note to Men Everywhere: Never agree with a pregnant woman when she makes a joke about her baby weight.
***
Male Client: So, uh, are we gonna have time to get you to a hospital if you go into labor while running with us? Or are we gonna have to help you give birth right here?***
Male Client: I've been looking for you all over. Why were you in the bathroom right up until spinning class starts?Me: Because when I'm on the spin bikes, I'm hunched over. The baby pushes on my bladder. I have to pee. So I try and go right before I start class.
Male Client: Oh, that's gross!
Me: Oh, you're right. Next time I'll just pee all over myself while spinning. Because that's less disgusting.
***
Male Client: Is your belly going to get so big that you won't fit on the spin bike anymore?Me: I seriously doubt that, but never fear, I'll still be able to yell at you all during class, even if I have to stand on the ground.
Male Client: Oh, OK. Because seriously, if your belly gets too big, I'm afraid you might tip the bike right over. That would just be wrong. (insert a shudder of disgust)
***
Seriously, people, I'm not making this stuff up. It's become so odd, I'm not even sure how to respond anymore.I mean, they're men. They obviously don't get it.
And at 5 a.m., when I'm working with them, I'm in no mood to educate them on pregnancy and the mechanics of the female body.
Though I may just have to use the potential of my water breaking at any! given! moment! as a threat when they seem to be wimping out on their last set of sprints.
Perhaps there's advantages to this pregnancy....
***
Happy Wednesday, everyone!
