I'm a Joiner

I'm a buffet kind of girl.

I like to eat a little of this and a little of that. I go back for more when I can, and there's almost nothing I won't try at least once.

If it's there for the taking, I'm gonna grab it. Not just when it comes to food, but life, as well.

I've frequently been called a jack of all trades and the expert at none. Short of my mediocre math skills, I'm not actually horrible at a lot of things I do. But I'm not exactly at the Olympic-athlete echelon, either.

The problem lies more with the fact that I struggle to say "No" to anything. I take on a lot. I always have, in fact.

But it's not because I care about what other people think of me. In fact, I really don't mind letting people down if it's something that's just not feasible for me. My husband and my family come first, and I try not to let anything get in the way of that.

The problem lies with the fact that I, myself, am a joiner. I do. I see. I actively participate.

The whole reason I even became a trainer was because I took a kickboxing class at age 18, in college, and thought, "I could teach this. In fact, I could teach it better."

So I did. I got a license. And then I got another license. And before I knew it, I was training other trainers how to teach clients and small-group classes.

Keep in mind, exercise-related studies weren't even my major. I have bachelor's degrees in history and journalism.

I just don't do much halfway.

And, when I was younger, that was fine. I could go and do and join and be as active and aggressive as I wanted to be. I could juggle five jobs, graduate school, and a social life.

And believe me, I did.

Even right after I got married, I managed to handle quite a lot. Two to three jobs at a time. A husband. A household. Friendships. Community service projects.

I didn't sleep much, but I was involved.

An opportunity would come my way - some freelance work, a committee position at the school I taught at, an extra small-group session at the gym - and I'd take it.

After all, I loved what I did.

I loved to write. And I loved to teach. And I loved to train. Plus, I loved all the people I got to meet through my writing and teaching and training.

Not to mention the fact that, when it comes down to it, I got paid for everything I did. And I'm not one to turn down cold, hard cash, especially considering we've never been rolling in dough around these parts, anyways.

Still, during those days of marriage, I'll freely admit, my laundry didn't always get done. My kitchen floor could get kind of grody. And we definitely had take-out more days than I'd even consider having it now.

There were some sacrifices that had to be made in order for me to maintain that kind of "joiner" lifestyle.

Then, as life progressed, and the hubs joined the military, and we moved to South Carolina, and I got pregnant, all my activity died down a bit.

I still worked (heck, I have two jobs, still) but everything I was involved in was a little less time-intensive.

Life was calmer, more orderly. My laundry doesn't pile up. My house is (mostly) clean. And I rarely go to bed thinking, "Crud! I didn't get half my to-do list done today!"

Part of it is that I'm anal. And part of it is that I've just got more time now.

Which is also why I sleep more. Bake more. Run more errands that I'd normally put off to the weekend, on, say, a Wednesday.

Life has an easier pace.

Which is why, recently, when a few opportunities have come my way, I've started to notice a new personality trait of mine:

Anxiety.

Before, I'd embrace almost every new chance at something I'd get. I'd get hyped up. I'd figure out a way to pencil it into my schedule.

But now? I'm a little freaked.

I mean, I'm joyous, sure. I'm always flattered when I hear from someone, recommending me for a freelance job or a tough client looking for a trainer.

But I'm also really anxious that it's going to upset the status quo. That I'm going to be forced to choose between the new opportunity and, say, my crying baby.

For, truly, I like my life. I will not give up taking care of my husband or my household. I won't give up blogging. (Even more so these days because it, also, brings in some income.) I won't give up working with my clients at a job where I can bring my baby to work with me every day of the week.

Who else can say that?

My life rocks.

I get to do what I love and be in the family I love.

It couldn't get any better.

And, yet, the joiner inside of me isn't completely dead yet. The jack of all trades still yearns a little for the sunshine.

I was that girl once, and I'm not totally done being her.

But, honestly, I'm just not sure how that fits into my changing life right now.

Is there room for me to do more? Yes.

Am I eager to bring in some more income while being able to stay at home with my baby? Heck, yes.

Which is why, over the past few weeks, I've been squelching my anxiety, and I'm saying actually saying it.

I'm saying, "Yes."

I'm taking on a few more opportunities. I'm going to try and make it all work, even though I'll have a brand new baby in less than three months.

Call me crazy. I may just be.

But when it came down to it, the joiner in me won.

After all, that girl's been around for a little bit longer. And she's not quite ready to hand over the reigns just yet.

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I am willing to admit that, should any opportunity I try not work out, I'm more than willing to choose my child and family over my job. My priorities have shifted these days; Baby Girl and my husband come first.

Which, in essence, is why I've chosen to embrace several opportunities that have come my way recently. They've given me a chance to make more money, from home, and still be a stay-at-home mother. I can't, in good conscious, turn that down. Right now, it's a win-win for everybody. (Other than me, who may lose a few more hours of sleep, but what's that among friends, right?)

Still, I'm willing to admit it may not work. I'm new at juggling all this. And as long as I can take a deep breath and know that no matter what, I have a right to choose Baby Girl first, then I think I can swing it. I think I can be me - a joiner - and still live the life of a stay-at-home mom.

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Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Be Careful What You Write

My brother was in town this weekend, and we had lunch with him and his fiance' on Sunday.

Over burgers, he told us about a haircut he got this past week.

His barber was originally from a teeny, tiny, two-stoplight town in Northwest Georgia - a place that my brother's best friend currently lives.

Marveling that he actually now knew two someones from such a small, random place, my brother asked him how he ended up so far away from home, in a much larger, different part of Georgia.

Then barber's story, quickly, turned sad.

He told my brother he'd been involved in a murder trial, and in the process of the investigation, where he was quickly ruled out as a suspect, he'd been libeled by other towns members on several online forums.

My brother, of course, was intrigued.

And he was gripped even more so by the man's story when he watched the news the next day.

He realized that the guy was now famous. Because within 24 hours of my brother's haircut, the guy had actually won his case. CNN was broadcasting all about it nationally.

The barber had been awarded more than $400,000 because someone had libeled him on an online message board - a case that set a huge precedent, and, honestly, is a first of its kind.

Being a former journalist and someone who studied media law in undergraduate and graduate school, this intrigued me even more than the funny coincidence my brother experienced.

This, in fact, is huge. Especially in my eyes.

Because libel, up until now, is something that so many people who use the Internet as a venue for free speech have not been held accountable for.

Libel - the act of spreading malicious, untruthful, un-proven things through a publication (whether it be newspaper, advertisements, TV news, Facebook, or a blog) - is illegal.

It has been for years. Lying about someone and hurting them with such lies by spreading them through some sort of published source - which the Supreme Court has deemed almost any written word that can be read by three or more people - is against the law.

But until now, no one was successfully prosecuted and held accountable for libeling someone on the Internet.

Ladies. Gentlemen. This changes everything.

Especially for bloggers.

You see, very often, in blogs, I read, "I write this for me. I can write what I want."

Heck, I've said those very words on here myself.

But the fact remains that we bloggers write a publication. We write something that can be, and is, read by three or more people. And thus, we - all of us - can be tried for libel, should we choose to publish something untrue and purposefully hurtful about another person or group of people.

As a normal extremist about free speech, even I think this is a fair and reliable precedent set by the courts.

The Internet, just like a print or broadcast publication, can, and has, caused harm to innocent people's livelihoods and reputations.

Blogs, message boards, Facebook, Twitter - all of them are great social networking tools. And, thus, they are inherently powerful. Which means, in turn, they can also be inherently harmful if used incorrectly.

So, what do I mean by all this? Do I think we should all hunker down and stop speaking our minds freely on our blogs?

No, not at all.

But I have read many a post here and there where a blogger has spouted off about something or other, without using fact or truth, and could have caused harm to those in question should that information fall into the wrong (number) of hands.

We're human, and sometimes, we write from the heart. But sometimes, our hearts aren't always being 100-percent factual and honest.

So, instead, I caution all of us to take heed. To realize how much power we have. To know that our words can hurt, and that falsehoods we write - intentional or otherwise - can cause harm.

A harm that, under the current legal precedent, is now punishable in court.

***

Honest to goodness, this will probably not affect 99 percent of us and what we write. Ever. But it is something to keep in mind. Especially because supposed anonymity is not a safeguard, either.

You can be traced. Your blog can be traced.

And, even if you were to keep someone or some group you're writing about anonymous on your blog, if they can be identified through characteristics you've used to describe them, you can still be held liable for libeling them. (Say that five times fast.)

More importantly, with this new precedent, we have to realize that we are not protected simply because we use the Internet as our forum. Or because we hold fast to the fact that these are "our blogs."

Like anyone who chooses to publish information, we are culpable under the law, and thus, we are responsible for every word we put out into the world.

To read more the story behind the Internet libel case, go here.

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Happy Monday, everyone!

A New Calling

I keep getting the question.

Every time I tell someone I'm moving, they ask it.

I can literally count - one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand - and then?

They say it.

They always say it.

"Do you have a job up there yet?"

Every. Single. Time.

I'm starting to dread it, really.

The answer. Or the lack of one, that is.

Because, the truth is, it's a kinda "Yes." And a kinda "No." And a whole lot of, "Of course I do, but you probably wouldn't consider it one, so I don't know what to say to you."

Honestly, when I get to South Carolina, I am 99.9-percent sure I will not be teaching when the next school year rolls around.

I will be working at a gym up there, and I have several freelancing jobs lined up that will allow me to write from home and help contribute to the household cash-flow.

But I will not be a teacher while we're living in South Carolina.

And - if I'm being brutally honest - that scares me a little bit.

After all, I've walked around now for a while with a lot of job titles. I've been a nanny, a sales clerk, a photographer's assistant, a coach, a fitness instructor, a trainer, an intern, an adjunct, a writer, a research assistant, a journalist, a counselor, a teacher, and more.

I've been working since I was 14, and I'm terribly tired.

Not that I haven't loved my jobs. In a way, I've loved them all, especially teaching.

I enjoy being an educator, and despite all my recent jokes with my students that their "bad behavior ran me out of the classroom," I'm not leaving the profession because I hate it. (Though I do have lots of emotional scars, fear and damage associated with administrators and educational powers-that-be that would make anyone think twice about stepping foot back in a classroom, but that's a different post for a different day.)

Being a teacher was a huge blessing. It taught me a lot. And, one day, I feel I'll return to it.

But not now.

Now, I'm putting that purposefully behind me, tough as it may be.

And, trust me, it is tough. I spent years "fighting the man." I graduated with multiple degrees, and I've fought my way through a lot of jobs. I'm not happy until I'm readily proficient in what I do, and if it's within my means, I want to be even better than proficient. Much better.

Before, when people asked me what I did, I always had an answer:

I'm a journalist.

I'm a graduate student

I'm a high-school teacher.

But now, I'm none of those things.

Because I'm moving to South Carolina to be a wife.

To, hopefully, be a mother.

To supplement and support my husband and family with whatever it takes for us to survive and flourish.

And that?

That is going to look very different than anything else I've done up until this point.

Some weeks, I'll be working from my home office; writing, editing, bringing in a small paycheck.

And others?

I'll be mopping floors, changing beds, stockpiling dinners, and scrubbing toilets for the umpteenth time.

Currently, my husband is working from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m.

That's a long day.

That's a day that won't allow him to take out the trash, or fix the computer, or cook dinner. That's a day that won't allow him to pay bills, or walk the dog, or schedule dentist appointments. That's a day that won't allow him to hang shelves, or vacuum carpets, or wash his own clothes.

That's a day that won't allow him to chip-in around the house like he used to. Like he did when we were both working 40-hour weeks.

Not that the household duties have changed. Someone's still got to do them.

So that someone will be me.

And, no, not because he's The Man, but because this move was about what was best for us.

Not about what was best for my career.

Not about what was best for my financial prosperity.

Not about what was best for my ego.

It was about Patrick and me, husband and wife. Thriving together.

So, then, I'll do it.

I'll do all of it.

The toilets, the trash, the bills, the breakfasts-lunches-dinners.

I'll walk the dog, and teach at the gym, and write a little. I'll do it.

In fact, I'm happy to do it.

More than three years ago, my husband moved to Florida to be closer to me. He sacrificed a lot so I could go to graduate school, before we were even married. After our wedding, he worked in a job he hated for almost two years while I worked as a teacher. And he did this all very selflessly.

But, then, he found a place in the U.S. Navy that would make him feel more fulfilled and would allow us both to better provide for a future family.

So he took it. We took it.

And now, we're finally moving toward it.

And I'm leaving my job behind.

I'm so happy; I'm beyond thrilled to return to my husband. I'm ecstatic to make him dinners and spend our (late) evenings together. I'm even excited about doing his dirty laundry; I've missed being in our married lifestyle just that much.

But there is a part of me that worries.

A part of me that feels bad.

A part of me that wonders if leaving my teaching career behind will leave a part of me behind.

It's been such a huge part of my life for years now. And I'm not sure what will define me if I don't have the words "Teacher" slapped across my forehead in invisible ink anymore.

Yet, I know it's unrealistic.

I know I can't work the hours I work while he works the hours he works and try to keep our household and family growing. I know we can't afford to certify me in a state where I most likely won't teach for more than 1.5 years. I know that we can't enjoy our marriage if we're both exhausted and brain-dead from long days at our respective offices.

But that doesn't mean I'm not scared.

Because, honestly, I am. I'm terrified.

I'm terrified that people will think I'm stupid - uneducated, even - because I don't have a typical job. I'm worried that I'll feel purpose-less, like I have no real worth in a world that values what we do and not who we are. I'm freaked out that I'll be less of a person without the very stress and worry that comes from being a part of the workforce.

However, I realize how lucky I am: To be able to make money from home. To be able to stay home with my children, when I have them. To support my husband's needs without worrying how they'll fit into my lunch break. To know that the military has given us a safety net, in case my working from home fails.

But I also know how society looks at women who "waste" their education and careers on their families.

And though I disagree with it - I was raised by a stay-at-home mother; I have friends who have made this sacrifice for their families - I'm still afraid to be the target of that kind of disdain.

I'm worried I'm not strong to enough to stand up for women who read classic literature and also bake cookies with their toddlers.

I'm worried my heart isn't strong enough to thrive at home under that kind of outside pressure.

I'm worried my blog isn't strong enough to carry on without the stories of educational days gone wrong and teenage angst.

No matter how much I fight it; no matter how right it feels - and don't get me wrong, it feels incredibly right to work from home and focus on my family instead of my job - I'm worried.

Because every time I hear the question "Do you have a job up there yet?" I'm worried what people will say when they hear my honest-to-goodness answer:

No, I don't. I'm not going to be teaching up there. I have a part-time job lined up as a trainer at the gym there, and I'm hoping to supplement our family income by returning to freelance-writing. But my husband's new job is very demanding, and we both need someone at home to focus on that front while he works. We've decided that person will be me. So that's where I'll be.

At home.

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Happy Tuesday, everyone! Don't forget to check out my $100 gift card giveaway!

A jumbled-up post for a jumbled-up girl

Well, I'm about to cram a lot into this puppy, so sit back and get ready...

I'll start with some bad news first...Those of you who know me well (in the real world, anyways) know that I have three jobs. I'm a teacher, a part-time magazine editor, and a fitness instructor. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I check in at the local magazine and work from there (these are my planning periods during the school day.) Well, today, I showed up to work, and I lost my job at the magazine.

I'm the last in a long line of people to go. My boss was totally nice about it, saying that he didn't want to do it, and that it had nothing to do with my job skills. I was doing really well, and all that nice stuff. The economy is just killing our publishing house right now, so they've cut tons of people, and now, they've cut me. Kind of. They are actually still willing to pay me for my freelance writing, so that's a plus, but it definitely won't amount to what I was making before.

However, I am really trying to look at the positives and realize how blessed I truly am. My main source of income (being a teacher) is still present and will be present for at least an entire other school year (plus, the hubs is also gainfully employed). I can probably pick up a few more hours at the gym, and I will have more time to devote to some little things I have to get done.

However, I am asking for prayer so that the hubs and I don't feel this little economic crunch too bad, and that we use this opportunity to really learn what the next step is out there for us. I'm trying not to cry, because I am truly, truly scared, even though I know that it is so much worse for others out there. And I know this is our blessing in disguise. I really do! It's the time we need to think about what lies ahead for us. It's just hard in the moment to have that faith.
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Now, on to happier things...

I participated in my first swap, a stationary swap! It was a blast! And look what my new-found friend and swap partner, Allison, sent me in the mail yesterday!

So fun, and so cute! I hope she likes the package I sent her, too!
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Moving on to a picture tag I've neglected for a week or so, sent my way from Amber...

1. Go to your desktop and in your file folder for pictures, pick the 6th folder with the 6th picture.

2. Tell a story about that picture.

3. Tag others and pass it on. Make sure you let them know!

So, my sixth photo is a little blurry, but I have to say, it's one of my favorites. It was taken three years ago, when I met my little nephew, Elijah! Turns out, it was love at first sight. Here I am, holding my future ring-bearer and dog-wrangler, when he was only two months old or so. (My friend Sherri and I were babysitting him while his new mommy and daddy, my good friends Geoff and Melissa, went to dinner sans baby for the first time.) It was night filled with cuddling and coo-ing and Gator cheers. (Yes, I started teaching him the cheers for my alma mater, the University of Florida, practially right out of the womb! And look, we're even wearing UF colors, orange and blue!)

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Now it's time for some awards I've been so graciously given and hope to put back out there!

Kat, at my My Girls and Me sent me the Sisterhood Award!

Kat's visits and comments on my blog are so sweet, and I'm flattered she thought of me! I love following her stories about her two sweet little girls, too! Makes me excited to be a mommy! She truly has been such a wonderful woman and friend that I've met blogging, along with so many others of you out there! I couldn't be more excited and blessed to have such an awesome group of women I communicate with almost daily!

I want to pass this award on to Gina at Namaste by Day, another woman who I love visiting on her blog and love when she visits mine! (We're fairly convinced we were separated at birth. Sometimes, I feel as if she's walking around inside my head!)

I also want to give this to real-life friend Melissa at Elijah's Adventures, who has been like a sister to me since we were pre-teens, and Jane, from In the waiting line, who started a fun book club for bloggers! She's too sweet!

Also, D at The Smart Daughter and Laura at Wringing Out my Sponge gave me the Kreativ Blogger award! Love these new friends and their blogs. D works in education, like me, and Laura is expecting a baby, so I love following both of their blogs! Thanks, ladies!

This award, of course, has some stipulations, and because I don't see a need to rock the boat, I'll oblige. I need to list seven things I love and then pass on the award to seven other bloggers that I love.

7 Things I Love (in no particular order.)
1. Children: And not at all in a creepy way. I met my husband working with chronically ill kids. I was a nanny from a very young age. I adore babies and all my friends' little ones, and I'm a teacher. Honestly, kids make me happy. When in doubt hold a baby. Sad? Depressed? Hold a baby. Need some love? Hold a baby (or help a teenager, although their love is often misconstrued as indifference. It's a fine line.)

2. Popcorn, pickles, olives and tomatoes: Fav foods of all time. I tend to crave salty over sweet, so these are all right up my alley (although I just really love tomatoes. I can eat them like apples.)

3. Prayer: I start and end my day with it, and smatter it throughout. It is, quite literally, my saving grace. I've witnessed the power of prayer, and I consider others prayers the greatest gift I can be given. I (try) to keep a prayer journal, so I can remember all the things I need to chat with God about. He's a good listener, and thank goodness, because I'm a big talker (and he's extremely tolerant of my biting sarcasm, which I appreciate :)

4. Bargain shopping: I'm going to have cut back on this, considering the aforementioned job cut, but I love finding a good 2-for-1 deal or a 75-percent off sticker.

5. The gym: Seriously. I know you all already think I'm a freak, but really, the gym is such a safe space for me. I feel a peace there. I really like exercise. I realize I may be the only weird-o in the world who actually loves the gym, but I do. For me, it's a place where I fit and don't have to worry about the world. I'm lucky I get to work at one.

6. The "family:" I love my husband, my brothers, and my parents, plus all my extended relatives, but my family is made up of all the friends I've made in my life that stand by me and support me and love me unconditionally. I don't know what I'd to do without them.

7. Coffee: I will drink coffee over wine any day, or any beverage really. I love it. One of my only pregnancy fears is that I will have to cut back on it. I get panicked if I don't get at least a mug-full in the morning.

Now, for the wonderful seven blogs I love (and I do. I love all you gals!):
Annie at OK to VA
Taryn from The Colorado Desert
Amber from Life As We Know It
Mrs. In-Training from Mr. and Mrs. In Training
Newlywed Hostess from Newlywed Hostess
Kat from My Girls and Me
Brenn from When Preppy Meets Hippie
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OK, and now, some last, parting news: I'm going, going, gone for the next four days! Dear friends of ours, Nigel and Hannah (who met at the same place the hubs and I met), are getting married this weekend! So we're road-tripping up to North Carolina over the next four days to celebrate their marriage with them (and tons of other friends!) We're excited (hopefully my job cut won't temper our excitement too much.)

So, I will return next week with photos and stories and love to spare. Until then, have a wonderful rest of your week and a lovely weekend!