Oh Yeah, He's Ready

My husband is great with kids.

Always has been, in fact.

I met him when we were both working with children, so needless to say, it was part of the reason I fell in love with him.

The man had "Dad" written all over him from Day One.

Still, since we got pregnant, I've been a little worried about him.

I mean, I know we're having a child in a few months.

My incessant puking, back pain, and weird cravings are evidence enough of that.

Not to mention that I've spent most of my life envisioning a little baby in my arms.

But him? Well, he's a man. And while I know he's always wanted to be a father, to me, it just seems a little more cerebral for their half of the human race.

Men don't grow the kid inside them; they don't produce the hormonal connection to the babies like we do.

After nine months of living with an impossible and yet amazingly ever-expanding wife, they simply become the father to a screaming, crying, teeny-tiny infant, who really has eyes only for their mother. Or, rather, their mother's boobs.

It's life-changing to be sure. But it has to be a little weirder for a man than for a woman.

So of course, I'm worried about him. (I'm always worried about something, after all.)

While he's normally easygoing, I'm pretty sure this kid is going to rock his world.

After all, he works ungodly hours, and when he is home, he prefers a steady diet of lounging in his underwear, playing on the XBox, rocking out to whatever music he can blast loudly, and tinkering with our computers.

Which is why, often enough now, I find myself saying things like, "In a few months, we're not going to be able to eat out on Friday nights as much."

Or, "Saturday mornings are going to start a lot earlier around here pretty soon."

Or, "You better be careful where you're flinging those arms in your sleep, man. If you hit me or the baby while I'm breast-feeding in the middle of the night, we'll have words."

But hubs always smiles glibly, mutters, "Oh, I know, I know," and goes right back to his love affair with his game controller.

He barely even humors me when I start talking about what we'll need to acquire over the next couple months for the baby. As soon as I say "breast pump," I swear, his eyes roll back in his head.

So I imagined he'd continue on as such when I was gone this past weekend.

The house all to himself for three days? I'd be lucky if he put on pants at all.

So I was thrilled when he told me he spent Saturday morning out to breakfast with some friends. (Wearing, I assume, some form of pants.)

Then, being one of the only married guys in his division at work, he offered to take the group of friends, who are mostly single, to every married person's haven - the bulk-goods store, Costco.

His friends were game, and so they traipsed off to Costco to buy whatever single guys need in bulk, i.e., beer, bread, and peanut butter, I imagine.

They all managed to return from the trip unscathed.

And later that evening, when the hubs came to pick me up from the airport, he told me as much.

And then, several minutes later, he mentioned, off-handed-like, "And you know what, babe? Costco has some great baby gear and stuff. We need to go scout out some of our baby needs there."

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

The man, among his single male friends, had actually taken the time to check out strollers and car seats and sleeper sets? At Costco?

I was shocked, especially considering that every other time I've taken him to Costco, he makes a beeline for "Electronics" and hangs there till I bellow for him to come help me load the car.

I felt so proud; the boy's all grown up, it seems. Apparently he has been listening to me when I prattle off facts about the safest brand of running strollers.

I almost teared up, I was so happy.

Because something tells me that, despite all my previous doubts, he's finally ready to be a dad.

***

For the sake of honesty, I have to tell you that I questioned him more about this little escapade at Costco later, and he insisted that he did not actually "go up and down all the baby aisles," but only, in fact, noticed the end caps boasting some baby gear and peeked down a few aisles with strollers to get some price points.

He maintained he wasn't about to drag his single friends "through all that baby stuff."

Which, admittedly, sounds a lot more like him than the original story.

Still, I'll take what I can get.

***

Happy Thursday, everyone!

Uh-oh. I'm at it again.

I'm back up on that never-ending soap-box I never truly take both my feet off of.

But this time, I'm over at my dear friend Brittany's blog, Notes From the Grove.

I'm guest-posting on being married to a newly enlisted member of the U.S. Navy.

And thank goodness, because I am currently staring at a mound of papers bigger than my Great Dane, which should have been graded yesterday.

Oh, and I'm also running a slight fever.

Lovely.

It's Cranky Town around these parts today.

So skedaddle on over to Notes From the Grove if you'd like to read a little bit more from this new military wife.

As for me and my newly acquired, unexplainable "How the West Was Won" vernacular - seriously, Brittany, "skedaddle" and "these parts?" Who do you think you are now? John Wayne? - we'll be here.

Grading papers.

Missing you all.

Taking shots of Theraflu.

Y'all come back now, ya here?

***

I'll be back to posting, sans the corny cowboys-and-Indians phrases, tomorrow. Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

Who doesn't love a little vomit on their honeymoon?

This girl, that's who.

Which is probably why I got it.

In spades.

But along with it, I got a huge (and humorous) dose of honeymoon humility.

Wanna hear all about it?

Then head on over to the blog of the oh-so-wonderful Mrs. Pott's, Experiments in a Galley Kitchen, where I'm doing my first ever guest post!

Please go check it out, and say hello to Mrs. Potts while you're at it. She's off celebrating her first anniversary, so some of her other blog friends and I are taking care of things while she's gone.

See you over there!

***

I'll be back around here tomorrow with some Tuesday tidbits. Until then, have a wonderful Monday!

Not Me! Monday: The Embarrassing Lingerie Edition

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

I've already told you all that during the week before one of my best friend's weddings, we did NOT throw her a lingerie shower.

Now, during said shower, she was NOT given quite a heap of gorgeous negligees, undies, bras, and satin robes. So much so that I did NOT wonder what other "regular clothes" she'd have to give away to make room for her new nighties in her dresser drawers.

And so, after the party was over, several of us old, married (i.e., boring) women did NOT sort through all of it for her, picking out and packing "honeymoon appropriate" items and setting aside her "save for six months later when you need to spice things up" items.

We were NOT all touching the soft silks and feeling the lace detailing so fastidiously and with such concentration that all chatter ceased.

For the first time in history, a group of women did NOT stop talking.

Until, finally, some brave soul did NOT utter what we were all thinking:

"You know, I really need to stock up on this stuff again."

You'd have thought she did NOT utter the secret to eternal youth.

We did NOT all start nodding our heads vigorously and agreeing with phrases like, "Seriously, I don't even know where my old lingerie is," or "I just stopped wearing this a couple months after my wedding," or "It just seems like a waste of money when you can't sleep through the night in it."

Our poor, poor husbands.

So, we did NOT all agree that we had to make a stand.

Lingerie was NOT important, and we'd NOT been neglecting it for far too long.

We were NOT inspired.

And we did NOT leave that night with plans to hit up Victoria's Secret - OK, OK, Target and Kohls (come on, people! We're on a budget!) - soon enough.

Now, being the late bloomer that I am, it did NOT take me till this past Friday to make good on my promise that I'd try and purchase some lingerie.

But I did NOT do it.

I did NOT leave school and head straight for the store, bound and determined to pick out something, anything that was not cotton, jersey, flannel or fleece.

And so, on Friday afternoon, I did NOT find myself wandering through Kohls, picking up this set of undies, holding up that brassiere, and examing that teddy, until I'd finally gotten myself a nice little handful of stuff to try on.

Then, I did NOT head for the dressing room, when the weirdness occurred.

A mother did NOT take one look at me and my handful of lingerie - all of which, I might add, was quite tasteful and not at all trashy - before turning to her teenage daughter and starting in on a stern lecture.

An elderly grandmother type did NOT stop dead in her tracks, stare at me, and shake her head, eyes portraying sadness at whatever poor life path she'd thought I'd fallen down.

And a couple of other shoppers did NOT give me weird looks, as if to wonder what exactly I thought I was doing, heading to the dressing room with a bunch of negligees in tow.

Finally, I did NOT reach the counter of the dressing room attendant, where I bravely said: "I've got six items, please."

The dressing room attendant did NOT then take one look at my "six items" before beginning her interrogation:

"Honey, what you doin' with all that? Do you really think that's necessary? And does your mother know you're buying all this? And I hope you don't think those are regular clothes, because they ain't. And you shouldn't be wearin' them. Out in public or in private, you understand me?"

At this point, I was NOT rendered utterly speechless, a first for me.

Finally, I did NOT manage to stammer out: "Um, I think my mother's OK with it," though I was still not sure what "it" was.

The attendant's voice did NOT then escalate, exclaiming, "Oh yeah, she's OK with her high-school daughter buying that stuff?"

For the second time in my life, I was, again, NOT rendered utterly speechless, until I followed the woman's eyes to my chest.

My chest, which was NOT bedecked with a blue and white T-shirt and some rah-rah slogan for the high school I teach at.

My chest, which was NOT wearing a T-shirt that matched my hoodie and hair ribbons and jewelry, which I was also wearing and had worn to TEACH at a high school all that day.

My chest, which was NOT garbed as such because it was NOT Homecoming Week at the high school I teach at, and it was NOT Spirit Day on Friday, and my outfit did NOT match the 10th-grade classes colors so my homeroom and I could NOT march in the school parade, where I'd NOT wear hair ribbons and jewelry that one of my cheerleader students and her mother had given me for Christmas last year, all in the venerated name of "school spirit."

But apparently, I did NOT look like at all that; I just looked like a high school student.

A high school student who was NOT about to try on and then buy an armful of lingerie to wear and use for who knows what seedy purposes.

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure that's what the patrons and employees of Kohls were NOT thinking.

I did NOT then start laughing uncontrollably on the spot.

Between giggles and gulps for air, I did NOT explain to the attendant that, indeed, I taught high school, was married and had been for over a year, and was pretty sure my mother knew I wore lingerie because she'd bought me the most scandalous piece of it I own for my bridal shower last August.

I also may or may NOT have promised the attendant that I'd never wear the stuff in a public place.

Ever.

After all, I'm NOT a high school teacher.

What would people think?

***

Happy Not Me! Monday, everyone! Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

Me, my hubs and I

Sometimes, all I can blog about is me, myself, and I.

And before I even know it, I've turned this blog into The Selfish Life and Times of Brittany Ann.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

This blog was supposed to be about the everyday happenings of my husband and I.

But all too often, the hubs only makes appearances on here as a lovely, clumsy, awkward buffoon.

Frankly, he's a gas. He's downright hilarious.

But that's not entirely fair to him.

So I'm really grateful to Lauren over Thread by Thread, who tagged me to participate in this little game about me, my husband and I.

I hope it will gives you all a chance to know more about Patrick, my husband, who is so much more than a little comic relief.

♥ What are your middle names?
Ann and Spencer. And neither one of us knows how we ended up with those middle names. There's no good reason, or at least not one we've been told.

♥How long have you been together?
We've been married 11 months and 20 days. (Eleven days till our one-year anniversary!) But we met and fell in love almost three-and-a-half years ago. (I'll tell you all that story on our anniversary!)

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Three-and-a-half months, during which time Patrick was my boss. (I know. For shame!)

♥ Who asked who out?
He called me over the phone at 4 a.m., told me he loved me, and said he felt like he'd found his future wife, all before we'd ever even held hands.

♥ Who made the first move?
Definitely him. I was all prepared to go single into the night, er, I mean graduate school, but he had different ideas, even while he lived a whole time zone away:)

♥ How old are each of you?
A woman never tells, but I'm the same age as him;)

♥ Did you go to the same school?
Oh no. I'm a Gator (University of Florida.) He's a Razorback (University of Arkansas.) This weekend should be interesting...

♥ Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I'm a native Floridian (Orlando.) He's from Ft. Smith, Ark.

♥ Who is the smartest?
He says me. I say me. Wait! No, that just slipped out. I meant him! We're definitely different. His mental strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. There's hope for our children, at least.

♥ Who majored in what?
I was a double major in history and journalism. He was originally in education then went back to school to pursue a degree in graphic design.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
Me, me, me! Sniff, sniff.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We have a local breakfast diner called 43rd Street Deli and Bakery. We don't eat out a lot, but we love breakfast, and if we have a free weekend morning, we head to this little hometown restaurant any chance we get.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Hmmmm...we've flown and driven from Florida to Arkansas. Which, I'm pretty sure, makes us kind of, sort of lame.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
Me. He has the patience of a saint. But we've both had our moments. I'm just louder.

♥ How many children do you want?
Perfect world? Four. But we both (not so secretly) admit we'd be OK with more, whether they're ours by birth or via adoption.

♥ Who does the cooking?
Me. Old-fashioned? Yes. Better for our waistlines? Most definitely. The boy considers a Hardees' sandwich and a milk shake appetizer-worthy.

♥ Who is more social?
Naturally? Me. But I retreat when I get over stimulated. He's more reliable and even-keeled than I can ever hope to be.

♥ Who is the neat-freak?
More so, me. But he's gotten so, so, so much better. And I'm only a little anal. And he cleans a mean bathroom.

♥ Who is the most stubborn?
Well....that's a good question. I don't know. We're both stubborn, which means we can butt heads. A lot. But we've learned each others' triggers, and we've accepted that, over all, we're stubborn about the same values and the same things. We'll fight in the trenches with each other over the important stuff, like our marriage. So, we're learning to make it work for us.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
Definitely me. He's a great sleeper. I'm part insomniac, and I leave for work before 7 a.m.

♥ Where was your first date?
The Tulsa, Okla. airport then, two hours later, a little bakery in Fayetteville, Ark., which my sister-in-law just told me closed, which makes me sad.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
Me, but that's just dumb luck. Both my parents are one of six, and all their siblings, save one, have pro-created. I've got aunts, uncles and cousins aplenty.

♥ Do you get flowers often?
Not as much anymore (but I can appreciate the practical, economic reason behind this.) Still, I've gotten more than most girls, and he's even had them delivered to my work, as a surprise, before. He doesn't disappoint!

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
Together, with family, eating. We both come from eaters.

♥ Who is more jealous?
Me, but not terribly. Patrick is quite the Southern gentleman; he holds open doors; walks all women, of all ages, to their cars at night; pulls out chairs; calls them "ma'am." Women - of all ages - love him. Luckily, he's all mine:)

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
The amount of time it took him to get up the nerve to call me at 4 a.m. and for me to answer, pretending to be asleep, but knowing that my future husband was calling.

♥ Who eats more?
Him, but I can hold my own.

♥ What do you do for a living?
He's currently a restaurant manager and a freelance graphic designer. But he'll be a member of the U.S. Navy come February. I'm a high-school teacher and a fitness instructor/personal trainer.

♥ Who does the laundry?
If I can help it, me. He manages to ruin my clothes every time he tries to "help." He's now taken to washing towels. Got that, honey? Only towels!

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
Oh, definitely him. He's built his own. Multiple times.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
Mostly him, but I do plenty of back-seat driving, or as I like to call it, "Verbally Making Sure Arkansas Boy Doesn't Turn Us Into Road Kill."

♥ What is "your" song?
We danced to "I Don't Know Much (But I Know I Love You)" by Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt as the first dance at our wedding.

***

So, who wants to play along? Come on! It's fun! (And I'm terribly curious, so I'd love, love, love to read about you and your main squeeze!)

So...I tag you all! Go ahead! You know you want to!

Happy Tuesday everyone!

If you can't say anything nice...

I don't even want to say it.

I'm just going to sound like even more of a Whiny-Pants Drama Queen after last week and this weekend.

So I will give it one sentence and than be done with it:

I had an incredibly stressful day at school yesterday, like Whoa-What-I-Am-Doing-Why-Am-I-Here-How-Did-I-Get-This-Job-Stressful Day, and then proceeded to throw my back out, causing a pain I can only describe with the phrase "Sheer Agony," which then caused me to hurt so good, er, I mean bad, that I became nauseous from the pain and vomited again, which caused the back pain to escalate to a pain I can only describe with the phrase "Sheer Agony: The Meaner, Eviler Sequel." (Hey, I didn't say it was going to be a short sentence, did I?)

Apparently, it's just not my week.

So, I'm taking matters into my own hands and channeling my inner Bambi.

If I can't say anything nice, I'm not saying nothin' at all.

And since it's a known fact that I'm actually incapable of saying nothin' at all, I will just have to say something nice (and hope and pray that it comes back to me in the form of a wonderful rest of the week. Please, Lord. I'm begging you.)

So what's nicer than a few blog awards, right, girls? Especially for such wonderful friends who have had to listen to me complain for almost seven days straight and still love me and support me through it all. (Dear friends, you all are the best! The absolute best!)

So, Maestro? Drum roll, please...

***

The oh-so-wonderful One Heart, Two Hands gave me the Your Blog is Fabulous Award!

Thank you, dear friend! You are so kind!

This award dictates that I must list five of my current obsessions, and then pass it along to five more fabulous bloggers.

So, what I'm digging right now...

1. My husbands' current work schedule.
Sure, he sleeps like the dead. But he's been home for dinner almost every night for the last month. This is huge, people, HUGE. He works in restaurant management and is often closing down restaurants till 1 a.m., leaving sad Wifey here alone with one huge bowl of popcorn and a cup of chicken broth as my secret-single-girl dinner.

I really hate eating alone. And I cook for him, because I'll be honest, it's not worth it to me just to cook for one. So with Patrick working days and having nights off, I can drop the secret-single-girl dinners and the lonely meals with only the T.V. for company. Plus, I have an even better excuse to put off grading papers while I eat.

2. Old Navy
Is it just me, or do they basically put everything on sale? Seriously, my entire wardrobe is taking a startling shift toward Gap's lower-end, standalone sister store. And I'm living in it and loving it.

Because if I need a sweater, they're on sale at Old Navy. A cute scarf? Check out ON because they're buy one, get one free. Perhaps you fancy a crimson, fall-inspired umbrella? Hit up the Nave! They're 50 percent off! (Also, they've finally created acceptable, quick-dry workout clothes. Thank you, Lord!)

3. Fabric softener
OK, here's the thing: I fought using this stuff for a variety of reasons. I mean, it's a synthetic chemical that's got unhealthy, non-biodegradable properties and could very well be leaching pre-cancerous catalysts into our open pores as we walk about in our freshly laundered wardrobes.

And, also, my mother never used it.

Because after all...it's a synthetic chemical that's got unhealthy, non-biodegradable properties and could very well be leaching pre-cancerous catalysts into our open pours as we walk about in our freshly laundered wardrobes. (We are such hippies, Ma.)

And yet, despite all this, my husband likes to throw caution to the wind. Apparently, he defies pre-cancerous catalysts. So much so, in fact, that he went out and bought himself his own bottle of fabric softener, because he was sick of "non-soft jersey."

So I began to use it. And I am here to say that...

Synthetic chemicals, be d*mned! I love it! The smell! The softness! The luxury! (Mom, you have no idea what you are missing!)

4. Babies
OK, more specifically, How-I-Plan-To-Tell-Our-Families-When-We-Get-Pregnant-With-a-Baby scenarios. After last week, I can't stop thinking about the best way to announce to my parents, brothers and best friends that we're having a baby. And every time I let myself drift off into Dreamland, I return with a plan that's gotten more and more grandiose.

Let's just say the current draft incorporates blinking Christmas lights, Silly string, a life-size child's rocking horse made entirely out of cake, and a perfect replica of a Green Bay Packer's uniform, complete with a miniature pigskin, cut to the size of the average 3 month old (you know, for my Dad.)

5. The new Dove Beauty Campaign for Self-Esteem in Girls
Have you all seen these commercials? Seriously, I bawl like a baby every time. I think every single woman relates to these. And their message - of self-love and belief in inner beauty - is so necessary for young girls (and women.) Oh, I just love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

It really makes me excited for the next generation of women, who I hope will have far less hang-ups about their bodies than I do. Wonder how their blogs will read...

Now, I have the pleasure to pass this fabulous award onto these five fabulous ladies...

Sam from The RubyTurtleHippie Times
Katie from Loves of Life
Lucy Marie at Lucy's Life
Jenn at Jeans Friday
Neha at Live rather than exist

***

Now, the amazing and wonderful Amber, over at Life As We Know It, who was (and is!) one of my first and dearest bloggy friends, gave me The Circle of Friends Award!
Thanks so much, you wonderful lady, you! You are the bestest!

I just have to pass this award on to some of my nearest and dearest bloggy friends! (Um, this has to the easiest task ever!)

So...I'd like to give this to...

Gwen at Confessions of a Control Freak
Ashley at Joshley and Charles
Taryn at Mr. Jones & Me
Lyr at Breaking Through
Michelle at There must be more to life than dishes and laundry...
Sare at The Hrebiceks
Gina at Namaste By Day
Lauren at Thread by Thread
And to anyone who hasn't gotten it yet, because I consider you all such amazing friends!

***

So that's it for me today. I hate to inconvenience anyone, but if you could send up a quick prayer for me and my back/stress, I'd really appreciate it. You all are so kind. Thank you!

Happy Thursday everyone!