No Comfort for The Coffee-Less

Winter is here. It's cold.

Like, cold enough to freeze the windshields and the grass when I awake to drive to work in the morrow.

And by morrow, I mean, morning. But I'm trying to fancy it up around here, as I'm currently writing this enrobed in fleece pajama pants and an XXL sweat-shirt that's too big for even my husband but is currently boasting what appears to be a thin crust of vomit from my morning sickness adventures.

You see, I like cold weather. I like all that comes with it - the cute pea-coats, mitten-ed hands wrapped around warm mugs of something spicy, steaming dinners of soup and warm bread, and frost on the windows.

As a Southerner, I live for the few precious months where I can wear close-toed shoes. Where sweaters don't make me sweat. And where full-length pants are a necessity.

Well, we're here, my friends. We're at that critical cold moment.

And I can no longer button my full-length pants.

My almost imperceptible baby bump has rendered me naked from the bottom half down.

Partially because anything constricting resting across my belly makes me want to hurl. (And often has.)

And partially because, well, they just don't fit.

My own jeans are dead to me.

Which wouldn't be so bad if I could comfort myself with something warm, something spicy, something caffeinated.

But, yeah, that's dead to me, too.

I'm not allowed coffee.*

Poo.

My hands, when mitten-ed, are wrapped around a mug of herbal tea or, on a particularly vomitous day, an ice-cold glass of carrot juice.

Mmmmm. Nothing says winter like water-y, orange, organic carrot essence.

I'd kill for a peppermint mocha. Heck, I'd kill for a mug of Folgers. (And I'm normally a coffee snob.)

It's just hard to embrace the weather when everyone around you is boasting red-and-white Starbucks cups, and I'm asking to read the herbal ingredients on their non-caffeinated teas, for fear they boast nettle root, passion extract, or some other such herb I'm not supposed to ingest with child.

Not that my will-power is that strong.

Last week, the hubs took me to Starbucks, and I ordered the de-caf peppermint mocha. In a tall. The tiny size, my friends. (Seriously, who orders the tiny size at Starbucks? Pregnant women, that's who.)

Anyways, there I was with my teeny, tiny de-caf skim-milk mocha. And I couldn't even enjoy it.

I kept worrying that the tattoo-ed teenager behind the counter had ignored my many pleas of "Please, make sure it's decaf. It has to be decaf! For the love of all that is good in this world, if that drink is not decaf, I'm climbing over your pastry case right here and vomiting right on you, do you hear me?"

I was convinced the kid had given me a fully caffeinated, baby-killing death drink.

I scowled at the man menacingly as he foamed my milk.

Not that it helped. Because upon receiving my drink, my husband finally convinced me to stop over-analyzing the barista's look of disdain. So I then moved on to worrying about the caloric content of the teeny-tiny decaf drink I was sipping.

I was sure as sugar that I was sending my unborn embryo into a diabetic coma with each additional slurp.

I glared alarmingly at the whole coffee establishment.

Long story short, I threw half of my teeny-tiny drink away. My mitten-ed hands were left clutching nothing.

But only after noticing that my Belly Band had slipped, giving the barista behind the counter a nice view of my granny panties, peeking out from my un-buttoned, un-zippered jeans.

***

Pregnancy and I are all kinds of classy and happy right now.

What with the ill-fitting pants, the caffeine jealousy, and the fact that all the pregnancy books say my nausea should be easing, though, clearly, it's not, I think I'm in the running for Crankiest, Coldest Woman of December.

So, if you need me, I'm probably out shopping for maternity pants. With mitten-ed hands. Clearly not holding a cup of coffee.

Lovely.

***

*I know many women are given clearance to drink one caffeinated beverage a day while pregnant. I was not. My midwives, who are normally very laid-back about food and beverage consumption, are not big believers in caffeine while pregnant. They convinced me to cool it with the coffee until after delivery. No judgment if you didn't have the same dietary restrictions. I'm just following doctor's, er, midwives' orders.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

Out of the coffee culture

I had my last cup of coffee on Jan. 2.

My last cup.

I remember it fondly: The rich taste of ground beans, the smoothness of the vanilla creamer, the hit of caffeine as the warm beverage pulsed through my veins.

It was bliss.

Bliss I haven't touched in 34.5 days.

Not that I'm counting or anything.

You see, I'd become a little too dependent on coffee. I craved everything about it; it's comfort, it's warmth, it's sweet ability to numb my caffeine-addicted headaches and quiet the screaming students I surround myself with eight hours a day.

So, I quit.

I gave it up.

Cold turkey.

I figured my reliance was getting a bit out of control, plus, I have a huge fear of getting pregnant and having to go off caffeine.

Like, seriously, I'm all about contractions and bleeding and labor pains. But living without caffeine for nine months? Dear God, that's not human! (Plus, I don't want to resent my unborn child for making me give up my first love. Because no matter how precious my future babies will be, Momma loves her coffee.)

See, told you I had a problem.

So, I decided to jump the gun. Before some midwife tells me to "cut back," I'm doing it myself. Because I figure it has to be easier to quit barren instead of when you're exhausted and eight weeks into lugging around a growing fetus. Plus, I like to suffer on my own terms.

My logic and reasoning should run the world, I tell you.

Now, to be frank, there have been perks.

I don't miss the process of making my morning coffee: The grinding, the filter, the mess I'd inevitably make operating kitchen machinery in the early hours, because, after all, my motor skills were always off before I had my coffee.

I don't miss the absolute panic I'd melt into in the afternoons when the teacher's lounge was locked, and I couldn't get to my drug of choice, which, basically, has been the only thing that's helped me survive grading high-school English papers up until now.

And I definitely don't miss what inevitably happens about 35 minutes after drinking a cup of joe, which used to require me to time my drive to school in the morning just so, so as to avoid waiting in a line for the teacher's bathroom when, really, I had to go YOU-KNOW-WHAT five minutes ago.

So, yes, my bowels, at least, are grateful I've gone off coffee.

But now, the rest of the world is not so sure.

For I've become a bit of social pariah without it.

For instance, while all the other teachers are taking a coffee break, I'm sadly nursing a cup of herbal tea when one teacher offers to cut me in on his espresso. I start to shake my head no, before he laughs and mutters, "Oh yeah, that's right. You're crazy and not drinking coffee these days."

When my students filter in for the morning class and see me drinking - gasp! - water, a few express shock, dismay, and one actually yells, "Mrs. C gave up coffee? Dear God! What's the world coming to?"

When at the grocery store, my husband actually suggests buying instant coffee "because you don't get up and make it for us anymore, and frankly, I don't know what else to do."

By definition, apparently, it's a world gone mad.

You'd think I was some sort of trail-blazer, like a woman who quit smoking back in the 1950s.

But no, I've just gone off coffee. And even my husband doesn't know "what else to do."

And yeah, sure, I stare at coffee pots longingly. In Target. In restaurants. In other peoples' homes.

And maybe, sometimes, when walking near a warm caffeinated beverage (or - heaven forbid - a Starbucks) I sniff the air as if I'm about to be shipped off to work in stinky, smelly junk yard.

And I may or may not, allegedly, shoot daggers at any soul in my vicinity who decides to indulge in a cup of coffee while in my presence or direct line of vision. (This would include my husband, co-workers, and one poor student who mistakenly brought a Starbucks' hot chocolate with them to school yesterday.)

But still, other than the caffeine headaches, the mid-afternoon drowsiness, and my always-crabby exterior, I think it's going quite well.

In fact, I don't see what the big deal is.

So I gave up coffee. So I've got 14 personalized coffee mugs I can no longer use. So I get the night sweats.

No biggie.

I can do this.

But I swear, if you bring a steaming cup of coffee anywhere near me, I will not be held responsible for what happens to you.

***

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! And don't forget to enter my Bloggy Birthday giveaway!

Happy happy, joy joy!

Guess what, guess what?

The dear, sweet Jules over at Chic & Pink so graciously gave me the Happy 101 Award!

Isn't she a doll? Thank you, Jules!

This award, meant to be gifted to bloggers who make you smile, has two requirements.

1. List 10 things that make you happy
2. List 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

So, let's go for it, shall we?

10 Things Currently Making Me Happy (As a Clam)

1. The fact that we have six days of school left before Christmas break. And - Bonus Alert! - four of them are half days! Glory be! That being said, these next six days are going to be tough, tough, tough getting my students ready for semester exams. But after that, I have 2.5 weeks of amazing Christmas freedom! I. Can't. Wait.

2. The fact that I told told my students they "were like my kids" yesterday, and one of my 15 year olds immediately jumped in with, "Yay! I have a new mommy!"

3. The fact that my God-mother gave me a bunch of white, crocheted snowflakes last year, which, this year, I hung on my Christmas tree, on my window garland, and all over the house, making it a downright Winter Wonderland in my Florida home. They make me smile every time I come home.

4. The fact that I've managed to read two books this week. I worked hard - for my own sanity - to make reading for pleasure a priority this past week, and what do you know? It totally worked. I'm happier, and I've managed to chip away at the stack of material awaiting my attention.

5. The fact that I've managed to find some steals while I'm out shopping for Christmas gifts. I don't know if it's the tanked economy or what, but there are some great deals out there. And as we all know, finding a great deal can be downright exhilarating! I couldn't be happier with some of the items I've picked up for friends and family. (Steal Alert: Did you all know SteinMart is carrying Vera Bradley? Because they are! This Steal Alert comes courtesy of mother, who called me frantically the second she found a Vera wallet after meandering through her favorite store.)

6. The fact that I saw The Blindside and left the movie theater downright inspired. Granted, I cried through the entire movie, but I was still downright inspired. What an amazing (true) story.

7. The fact that I've become downright obsessed with tea. In an effort to cut down on my highly caffeinated coffee consumption, I've cut out my afternoon cup(s) of coffee and switched to green tea - when in dire straits - and herbal in all others. And I am loving it. It's delicious and warming and fulfilling. I've officially joined Team Tea! (Granted, without totally leaving Team Coffee. Sure, they may be conflicting alliances, but we're working it out. When it comes to warm beverages, I say, can't we all just get along?)

8. The fact that the series LOST resumes in LESS THAN TWO MONTHS! AND I SAW A PREVIEW FOR IT SUNDAY NIGHT! AND I SCREAMED ALOUD AT 10 P.M. BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE IT IS LOST, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE! AHHHHH!!!

9. The fact that I found - gasp!- brown leggings that were not made for a woman who happens to be six months pregnant. Miracles do happen!

10. The fact that I had pie last night. I love pie.

So now, for the 10 dear blog friends who brighten my day when I need it most:
New blog friends Laura, at Awake Amidst A Dream, and Erin, at Tobin Tales
My blog friends turned 6 a.m.-panicked-text-message friends Gina, at Namaste By Day, Sam, at The Ruby Turtle Hippie Times, and Katie, at Loves of Life
A (very brave) soon-to-be substitute teacher, Brittany, at Tales of a Southern Belle and Her Beau
My Name Twins at Molly Lou Gifts and Notes from the Grove
Sweet blog buddies, whose comments constantly make me smile, Mrs. Bee at the Secret Life of Sas and Lex, b.e.g. at brown eyed girl, Sus from The Edwards Edition, and Lyr from Breaking Through

I know, I know. That's 12 women, not 10. But give me a break.

I'm an English teacher.

Math? Not. My. Thing. And trust me, if I had my way, I'd keep going, giving it to you all and re-giving it to those of you that I know already got it!

Because you all - and I say this quite seriously - brighten my day to no end. So thank you, all of you, for adding sparkle and smiles to days that sometimes need it desperately!

I so appreciate it. And all of you!

So until tomorrow....

Happy Thursday!

Fall has fallen

It happened.

For the first time in a good seven months, I was able to don close-toed shoes without feeling as if my feet were about to sweat their toes off.

That's right, people.

Fall has officially fallen here in Florida! (Try saying that five times fast.)

I'm not gonna lie to you. I've been secretly hating you all, with your blog posts about your new fall pea coats, boyfriend sweaters, and infamous pumpkin-spice lattes (which, by the way, seem to be a serious source of infatuation out here in the blogosphere, and one I'm not entirely sure is healthy. But anyways...)

So, yes, while all of you were sipping warm drinks in your long-and-lean turtlenecks, I was down here, jealous as all get-out, wearing an unfortunate tank top and chugging my cup of room-temperature coffee, which I then immediately chased with a glass of ice cubes, to prevent the inevitable sweating that comes when you drink anything in Florida that is not the approximate temperature of the Arctic Ocean.

It's no secret around here that I'm no big fan of humidity or intense heat, but it really was getting out of control this year.

When my beads of sweat start falling onto the papers I'm grading, making a "98" look like a "48," and causing fits of rage and panic in that one student who's never gotten anything less than an "A" in her life, it's time for the temperatures to drop to a breezy 80 degrees.

Yes, you read that right. When 81 is the high, I consider it fall.

You would, too, if you lived in a place where the heat index normally makes you feel like we co-exist in a 150-degree sauna.

Still, I don't get caught up in the thermometer.

When I can wear jeans without my legs feeling as if they're enclosed in sausage casings (an unfortunate side effect from the rather lethal combo of sweat, denim and humidity) then I know it's fall.

So, people, it's fall!

I'm going to ignore the Weather Channel's 10-day forecast that's dangerously hinting we may see 90 degrees - again - next week.

I'm going to pretend I don't see those flip-flops piled - out of necessity - near the door.

I'm going to pack away all manner of sundresses - even though I do love sundresses - because I think I deserve I better.

Yes, that's right. I. Deserve. Better.

I deserve to wear a sweater without getting pit stains!

I deserve to actually have my long-last, sweat-proof make-up live up to it's promise!

I deserve to use my oven without fear of it turning my kitchen into steamy desert!

I deserve to drink a cup of coffee piping hot!

I deserve fall!

We all do!

So fellow Floridians, unite!

Take off those tank tops and turn off your ACs! Go frolic in the 80-degree breezes and take plenty of hot showers! Bust out your apple cider and those pants that actually reach your ankles! (You know, the one pair we all own in case we have to go visit those relatives who live in the frigidly cold area most commonly known as North Georgia.)

At the very least, put some leggings under those sundresses, girls.

Hurry! And quick!

Before the Weather Channel tells us about the next warm front coming through.

Which apparently is set for next Wednesday.

The high?

90 degrees.

Crap.

***

Happy Thursday everyone!

101st Post Giveaway!

First off, let me just say, I have horrible luck. I never win raffles, contests, or trivia games.

So imagine my surprise when, all in one week, I won a gorgeous set of sheets in Traci's giveaway and books from Helga-Marie and Mrs. Pott's giveaways! I was so thrilled! Sheets and books? Sleeping and reading? It's heaven on Earth! (Thank you, again, ladies, for hosting such wonderful giveaways!)

Not only did I score some fabulous goodies, I also gathered up the courage to do my very own giveaway, in honor of my 100th post and all of you lovely blog friends who mean so much to me!

And then, for no apparent reason, I decided to do Not Me! Monday yesterday, for my 100th post (I wasn't thinking very clearly.) So, 101st Post Giveaway it is! (Better late than never, right?)

Let's look at the prizes, shall we?

1. Molly Lou Gifts Personalized Mousepad




If you haven't checked out Molly Lou Gifts, you definitely should! They have the most adorable personalized stationary, water bottles, children's clothing, and more! And their lovely proprietress is letting me give away one of their fabulous, personalized mousepads!

Also, she's offering a 15-percent discount for anyone who uses the summerfun15 discount code for their total purchase, and through June 10, they are giving 100 percent of their profits to the Boys Home of the South. Definitely check it out!

2. Vera Bradley Forget-Me-Nots

Remember my obsession with Post-Its and listmaking? Well, I wouldn't be anywhere without my Vera Bradley Forget-Me-Nots! The portable book offers four different size Post-Its, with cute designs to boot. I'm giving away the book in the Purple Punch pattern. Trust me, making lists has never been this cute (and fun!)

3. My Favorite Coffee and "Live Simply" Mug



We have local roasters in my town who make the best and tastiest coffee ever! They roast green beans (no, not the vegetable, but green coffee beans), producing delicious organic, fair trade coffee.

So I'm giving away a package of Sweetwater Organic Coffee, plus a "Live Simply" mug. I collect mugs like these that have sweet messages on them, and of course, I love, love coffee! So I figured you all, dear friends, might want in on my favorite morning (and afternoon!) ritual.

4. Jillian Michaels' New Book Master Your Metabolism

I read Jillian's first book, Making the Cut, and was really impressed (and that's saying a lot because as a trainer, I can be a little snobby about TV trainers:) So, because of my combined love of reading and exercise, I thought I'd give away her new book, since I know a lot of you out there in the blogosphere are big fans of Jillian's exercise videos. Who doesn't need a little summer reading, right?

So, who wants in? You can win a personalized mouse pad, Vera Bradley Post-its, delicious coffee, an adorable mug, AND Jillian Michaels' new book, by following the rules below and entering!

1) To earn your FIRST entry, leave me a comment on this post
2) To earn a SECOND entry, become a follower (or let me know if you are one) and let me know in your comment
3) To earn a THIRD entry, blog about my giveaway and let me know in your comment

The giveaway will run untll midnight on Tuesday, June 9.

Good luck, and thanks for playing everyone! Happy Tuesday!

Finally, a (freaky) Friday

It's been a long week, and needless to say, I'm glad it's Friday.

And, well, it's kind of a Freaky Friday at that. Or at least my Friday behavior has been kind of freaky:

* A dear friend of mine, a fellow teacher at the school I work at, was late to work this morning. She also happens to be 39 weeks pregnant. Because of her condition and her extreme late-ness(you know, a whole five minutes), I proceeded to sprint across the school campus in my heels and skirt, teacher keys a-jangling around my neck, to check with the principal's secretary to see if she had had her baby. She hadn't. I felt stupid and out-of-breath. The principal himself rolled his eyes at me as I left his office, as if to say, "Dear me woman, she's only having a baby. What are you so worked up about?" I left feeling barren (because any woman with a child would know better than to freak out about this) and foolish (because no self-respecting teacher would never sprint past pupils while wearing a skirt.)

* I decided to add the hot chocolate mix I blogged about yesterday to my morning cup of coffee, praying that the extra sweetness and the double-dose of caffeine would give me the energy to get through the day. For all you fellow experimenters out there, DON'T DO THIS. It clumped into a disgusting consistency. Being an English teacher, I can't tell you exactly the chemistry behind it, but the end result was coffee that was more bitter; clumps of hot chocolate mix that were tasteless at best, and a beverage the consistency of the dirt on the bottom of a Florida lake (which is precisely why this native Florida girl doesn't swim EVER in her home state lakes, by the way.)

*I have an hour to burn between school and teaching a fitness class tonight. I've decided to go to TJ Maxx and shop. For what? I have no idea. Why? Not entirely sure. Do I even want to go? Oh yes. I have a deep, deep desire to go. Is this logical? No. I am still going? Yes. Oh, yes. But I'm a bit concerned. I don't normally shop without a purpose, and when I do, it's a bad, bad thing. I expect I'll end up with new throw pillows, workout pants, baby onesies, a scarf, a casserole dish and flip-flops for my husband (none of which I need, I might add). That's the kind of stuff you end up with when you wander through TJ Maxx aimlessly.

*We finally have some warm weather, and I have a strong urge to gorge myself on pine-apple. Weird? I think so.

I can only imagine what else might happen the rest of the day. Anyone else having a Freaky Friday?

It can't be...

I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw this in the store.

I'd heard about this from a friend of mine, but I wasn't so sure it actually existed.

And there, on today of all days, when I needed it most, I saw it...

Yep. That's right. Look closely. It bears two of the magic "C" words.

Chocolate and Caffeine.

It's hot chocolate with a kick, a caffeine kick! Take a closer look, just so you can see the beauty of it.

"As much caffeine as a cup of coffee?" Hallelujah!

I am so tired this week. I haven't been able to get more than five hours of sleep a night, and on top of that, I had a two-hour meeting with our health insurance agent yesterday that really put me over the edge as far as stress goes. So my 5 a.m. wake-up time has been hurting more than usual lately. I'm literally starting to dream about dreaming.

I was searching for anything in the grocery store early this morning to get me through my day of lesson-planning when I spotted the caffeinated-chocolatey-treat-of-goodness. True, I already had a latte in my hand. True, I don't need anymore chocolate. True, I probably won't be able to drink just one serving, making this more binge then blessing.

But they were just sitting there on the shelf, like a little answered prayer. A little combo of my two favorite things in the whole world: Chocolate and Caffeine.

I waited for someone, anyone, to tell me "Brittany, walk away. Brittany, put down the powdered beverage. Brittany Ann, if you don't drop that right now, there will be no chocolate for a week! Two weeks! Drop it! Drop it, I said!"

Instead, I heard a different voice, my own voice, reading aloud, incredulously, the little typed sign, positioned just below the drink of my dreams and sealing my fate for the day.

"Buy one, get one FREE."