Comments on Living in the Moment: Pants on Fire

Hey, at least your clean laundry is folded. I have...

2012-01-12T18:41:29.822-08:00

Hey, at least your clean laundry is folded. I have at least three clean loads sitting in the baskets waiting to be folded... and they've been there a few days! =) You're doing great!

I guess what bothers me about all of this is the u...

2012-01-11T20:08:19.415-08:00

I guess what bothers me about all of this is the underlying thing people jump to assume with questions about a baby sleeping all night or not and the like, is that it somehow reflects on the kind of mothers we/they are. Like the amount of time my sons do or don't sleep somehow says something about me as a mother.
Lu has been sleeping all night for the last month or so, but I rarely, if ever, mention it. I find that it's easier to connect with people when talking about the struggles of motherhood rather than acting as though everything is perfect (because as you mentioned, it never is). I also know that Lu's sleep can, and more than likely will, change in a blink. My once terrible sleeper is now great. He will have bad nights again and may even have a life-changing event that will forever change his sleep habits, like Isaac did.
Whatever happens, I know that my boys are who they are. I can do my best to teach them and hope they do well or sleep or make the best choices, but they will always be who they will be, and I will always embrace that. Whether it's what I (or anyone else) considers perfect or not :)

I'm not a mom and I can't say I have it al...

2012-01-11T14:05:29.417-08:00

I'm not a mom and I can't say I have it all together. Life gets busy and we all have to choose our priorities. I figure if you're a mom, your child will trump pretty much anything, so doing your best with the rest is just fine! That's all any of us can do :)

Love this post! You know, my daughter is 2 1/2 and...

2012-01-11T02:33:07.596-08:00

Love this post! You know, my daughter is 2 1/2 and she still doesn't sleep through the night (like up-at-least-twice-doesn't-sleep-through-the night), so, no your not alone on that one.

But, I am a neat freak. So, 90% of the time, my house is vacuumed, my kitchen floor and bathroom are clean, and you won't find any dishes in my sink. But, you will find dust bunnies around my night stand and dresser (my husband just asked me yesterday if I EVER vacuum our bedroom), and because I've been working, I have more laundry...especially towels than I know what to do with. So, yes my house is surface clean, but really who has time for deep cleaning? And I'm a master of procrastination-I will not wash towels unless we are pretty much out. I'm cool like that. I also SUCK at cooking. Like...it's so bad I won't even elaborate.

Anyway, I say all of this to say, that girl you are not alone, and I agree...all those perfect Pinterest meals and crafts make me a little nauseous :)

I think your doing a great job! Just keep your head up! :)

Wow - who are these people that are always asking ...

2012-01-10T23:04:55.846-08:00

Wow - who are these people that are always asking about your child's sleep habits?! Don't they have other, better questions? Good grief.

There's always going to be pressure on women (moms or not) to look our best and act as though we can do it all with our best face (and our child's best face) put forward. I've been trying to shy away from that. My natural instinct is to have the house spic-and-span for company, dinner done to perfection, blah-blah-blah. Now I try to leave a few smudges so that when people come over, they don't feel like they're entering a museum - I live in a house, thank you very much. And sometimes there are cloth diapers hanging on the rack and dirty dishes in the sink and a pile of toys in the corner. So what? I do try to have the bathrooms clean though, ha ha!

I am one of those moms who will push her baby while wearing flats and nice jeans (by nice I mean GAP jeans!), but I'm also just as likely to be seen wearing flip-flops and stretch pants with nothing on my face but sunscreen. Fact is, sometimes I look put together and sometimes I don't. However, one thing that I think you have to deal with that a LOT of new moms don't is having a hubs in the military. That in and of itself means that you carry most of the load with Ella. I have someone who can tag in and take over for some time in the evenings, and I don't take that for granted. Without it, a LOT of stuff that gets done around here wouldn't get done. I have a lot of respect for military families (got 2 brothers in the USAF!) and there are times when I read your posts and think, "Man - I don't know HOW she does it!" So even though you may not think you have it all put together, there are still some of us who are in awe of all that you're able to do :-)

Ha, no one has it all together! If they say they d...

2012-01-10T21:08:12.967-08:00

Ha, no one has it all together! If they say they do, they're a lying hooker. Even my OCD self has had to let the messes go and just get thru each day with two. There's just always something to be done, but lately I've said to myself, " is this imperative? Does it have to be done now, or can I hang with the kids?"

I saw this on Pinterest the other day and I think ...

2012-01-10T20:04:18.564-08:00

I saw this on Pinterest the other day and I think it is so true!

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."
- Steven Furtick

The laundry? Umm. Yeah. Piles of it all over the house. Our closets are held shut with the child safety locks for everyone's good. I think we all have something that others don't see when they look at us.

i can't even remember the amount of times peop...

2012-01-10T15:05:12.113-08:00

i can't even remember the amount of times people asked me if andrew slept through the night, i said no. They were like "why". I also believe most EBF babies who nurse on demand just can't seem to sleep through the night. that magical 12 hours of sleep didn't happen until 2 weeks after his 1 st birthday. and thank the lord its kept up 7 months later. with the occasional devil molars that kill the sleep sometimes.
also iam a SAHM 24/7 with 1 child and i can't imagine being close to perfect. if there is dinner the hubs is luck.

I was up last night at 11, 1:30, 3:30, 5, 6, and 7...

2012-01-10T13:29:53.508-08:00

I was up last night at 11, 1:30, 3:30, 5, 6, and 7 before I gave in and just got up for the day!

Also, my eyebrows look like two caterpillars stuck to my forehead, and my Christmas tree is still up. How's that for honesty? haha

Also, what is this hippie group of which you speak...

2012-01-10T13:11:41.202-08:00

Also, what is this hippie group of which you speak? I have an issue I would love to get some input on, and the breastfeeding forum I usually go to hasn't had much insight on this.

Flintstone will be 16 months old in 4 days and he ...

2012-01-10T12:54:17.153-08:00

Flintstone will be 16 months old in 4 days and he still gets up at midnight and 4am like clockwork. Some nights it's every hour because he's getting his 2 year molars right now.

I want to move him to his own room because I want that fantasy child who sleeps through the night, but right now I'm waiting - mostly because it's going to be SO HARD and I'm a big, sleep deprived chicken.

I'm also HUGELY guilty of sins of omission. I don't lie about my mommy failures. But I sure as hell don't air them, either. My house is a DISASTER. If MacGyver didn't do the laundry the only thing that would ever get washed would be the diapers. And we won't even discuss showering. Or consistant schedules.

But you will rarely see that on my blog. I HAVE to focus on the ethical eating. On the food I can cook and the sign language Flintstone is picking up so fast and how awesome my husband is. Because if I posted the other stuff I'd lapse into an irretreivable depression. Plus, there's too much of it and I wouldn't ahve the time to post it anyway!

Great post, Lady! As always, brillant and astute!

Hm. I'm sure some moms do lie. Or certainly ...

2012-01-10T12:18:14.462-08:00

Hm. I'm sure some moms do lie. Or certainly lie by omitting key information - I had to stop reading all blogs altogether a few years ago because I was freaking out thinking there was something seriously wrong with me, since everyone else seemed to be thriving, while I was merely limping along. I actually had written some guest posts for a VERY well-known Christian mothering/homemaking/etc blog, and when I submitted a post acknowledging flaws and decrying the myth of keeping it all together, I got shut down cold. She actually never even replied to me, despite my continuing to try to touch base with her about it; guess she didn't want to present the "I don't have it all together" angle either.

But um...have you read my blog lately? ;) Not perfect, not trying to be...however, I have been tempted to fudge a time or two. Tempted to say, "Yes, we're still breastfeeding," because it's so, so much easier than trying to explain to a complete stranger in the egg and cheese aisle what PLF is. But you know me - what you see is what you get, flaws and all. :)

Ah I so feel you on this one. I definitely hit the...

2012-01-10T11:34:48.960-08:00

Ah I so feel you on this one. I definitely hit the jackpot with a good sleeper. MOST of the time. Every few weeks we have a regression for various reasons (teeth, new skills, growth spurt) that only lasts a few days. Then it is right back to his 8-12 hours a night. He did this while we were EBF and without any form of sleep training whatsoever. I don't believe in sleep training at all.
Why am I telling you this? Not to rub it in at all, promise. I'm telling you this because my baby does sleep through the night and I STILL hate that damn question. I feel like it's a passive aggressive way of other mother's judging my parenting skills. It annoys me to no end that people feel the need to judge my skills of taking care of my child by his sleep habits.

My point is, I don't have it all together either. Either my house is a mess, or my house is spotless and I've neglected my poor husband. It varies from day to day which gets negligence. Insert wife guilt here. I don't have it all together, but I hate answering the questions about things that I DO have together almost as much as the things that I don't have together. It frustrates me. Even the questions on Ethan's size and development drive me batty. I don't feel that Ethan's milestones and development are reflective at all of how I parent him. Like you said though-I get why people feel the need to lie or explain themselves. It's a constant feeling of judgment from others when your baby isn't living up to "their" standard.

I actually have a post in draft about my failures in breast feeding and how I feel that I have to explain myself everytime someone asks me if I'm still nursing. It's so frustrating to feel that way, yet we still do it. Your right-we don't have it all together. Sometimes we can't always see what is being neglected, but rest assured, there's something.

I can count on my hands the number of nights Eva s...

2012-01-10T11:10:55.632-08:00

I can count on my hands the number of nights Eva slept through the night before her birthday. And then? It clicked. Now? She sleeps through the night. But not always. sometimes she wakes up because she's cold, or in pain, or whoever else knows why ... so, basically, even when your kid sleeps through the night they don't always. BUT, sleep will come. I promise.

Lots of people told me I should stop breastfeeding because maybe that's why she didn't sleep, because she counted on it. Even if I had a 100% guarantee that she would have STTN had I stopped nursig, I would not have. SO, I totally get what you mean when you say that even if it's of your own making, it's not easy. TOTALLY get that.

Praying you will get some sleep soon. Those days are so, so, so hard.

Aww, I don't think too many mamas out there li...

2012-01-10T10:49:13.194-08:00

Aww, I don't think too many mamas out there lie. I think we as moms who constantly compare ourselves make them all SEEM "better" than us. I think its all our own perception rather than their dishonestly.

Today I wore make up, had on dangly earring, wore my baby proudly to my MOPS meeting, set things up before the meeting, took things down afterwards, nursed when he needed it and then hopped off to Preschool to pick up my middlest. I admit, I looked well put together. But this is one of the first times in WEEKS that I have felt good. Looked good. Did my hair AND my make-up...you get the point. Some mom could have looked at me and though, "whatever, she's lying, she can't possibly have it all together." Truth is, I 100% don't. My baby was up multiple times last night, my preschooler pitched a ginormous tantrum at 6:40 this morning, and I fed my kids pop tarts for breakfast. So, just because someone looks put together doesn't mean she is :-) And it doesn't mean she is lying or trying to be dishonest. Its just means today was the first day in weeks that I looked like a grown woman who also happens to be a mom.

I am a new reader and I just want to say I have tw...

2012-01-10T10:48:15.894-08:00

I am a new reader and I just want to say I have two kids, two and under and NEITHER one sleeps through the night. This has been my reality and I am ok with that! I have heard the same ole speech "Your babies don't sleep through the night, what are you doing?" You know what I am doing? I am getting a few extra minutes of snuggle time in with my RAPIDLY growing babies! I understand your exhaustion, I work full time and TRY to keep up my home. I fail everyday but I hope I am doing a decent job parenting. :)

I have to agree with you there, moms are not alway...

2012-01-10T10:27:03.007-08:00

I have to agree with you there, moms are not always quite honest with how things are really going. It is like we can't admit that things aren't perfect and that is just plain silly. I try and be as honest as I can but I don't want to look like I am complaining I suppose. But I can honestly tell you that Max does sleep through the night, but I am still tired and things aren't always perfectly clean or taken care of in my home. Babies are hard whether they sleep well or not!

I could never lie, so I just prayed people would s...

2012-01-10T10:23:04.034-08:00

I could never lie, so I just prayed people would stop asking!

I absolutely loved this article on the matter.

Also, I think we all make choices - some moms choose to read and leave their houses messy. Some moms choose to keep their houses clean and have no time to just hang out with their husbands. It's a give and take...we can't really compare ourselves! (In fact, I don't get on Pinterest and read very few blogs because I *don't* want to get discouraged!)

Yesterday, B stayed home and painted our bedroom. ...

2012-01-10T10:05:41.658-08:00

Yesterday, B stayed home and painted our bedroom. And after moving all the furniture out, he vacuumed our (very, very small) bedroom. Do you know how many times he had to empty the Dyson?

THREE.

That is how disgusting my house is.

And? G got up twice last night. And technically a third time at 5 am before I somehow got him to doze for another hour.

Love you!

Oh mama:-) I totally understand. When I am asked a...

2012-01-10T09:29:05.657-08:00

Oh mama:-) I totally understand. When I am asked about sleep my standard is "it just depends!" Yes, she sleeps 12 hours a night (but she also wakes up 1-3 times a night). I feel the more I talk about it, the worse her sleep gets. I hate that people even ask.

I think we all just choose our battles.

For us, my husband is lucky enough to work 4am - 1230pm and he's home to pick up the house, make dinner start laundry, and take care of S...when I get home we trade and I help out. Otherwise, I don't think we could get it all done. But, that leaves very little "us" time.

I am extremely type A...I seriously an teaching S to pick up her toys after she's done playing before she takes her nap....weird I know...

And all those twitter conversations we have? I don't know how you girls stay up so late...I'm passed out by 830 on a good night, ha.

I think we just need all the support we can get, via IRL or social networking. And before you know it baby number 2 will be here and we will start all over.

One reason why I would rather have my little ones close together...get all this hoopla worked out in a shorter time frame:-)

Well, lady. I am exactly like you. Well, I mean, w...

2012-01-10T09:25:35.410-08:00

Well, lady. I am exactly like you. Well, I mean, we are different. But I was a hot mess of a mom. My house is in disarray pretty much at all times. My kid never slept through the night until 11 months old and prior to that it was like 3-4x up a night. And? I suck at cooking dinner. Dishes sit in my sink. And dustballs on my floor. All the time. Oh, and my christmas decorations are still up. Basically, I'm gonna be one heck of a mom with two kids. HA.

I used to ALWAYS come home from other people's...

2012-01-10T08:40:49.152-08:00

I used to ALWAYS come home from other people's houses at Mom's Group and call Justin crying about how I didn't know how they possibly had such impeccably clean houses and fresh baked goods every morning. And then one time, I happened to be around when several of the moms were discussing Sara, a high school senior at their church who was earning money for college by cleaning houses--and they were ALL HIRING HER. I was like Ohhhhhh. Duh. That's how.

I absolutely love this post. No. No mom has it all...

2012-01-10T08:39:05.402-08:00

I absolutely love this post. No. No mom has it all together. Even at 2, my kid still struggles with sleep. I mean, he sleeps well, just at all the wrong times! lol. He didn't doze off until 1am last night. Ugh.
Give yourself a break. And thank you for reminding me that some moms DO lie. I never thought of that either!!

Oh, and after my first? He slept thru the night an...

2012-01-10T07:30:09.377-08:00

Oh, and after my first? He slept thru the night and I couldn't understand why other moms thought parenting was hard and why they got no sleep, never wore makeup, didn't shower, etc. Then I had another one. A preemie, who needed to eat every 3 hours on the dot (dr's orders). And I got less sleep than ever. And sometimes I think we moms that work full time out of the house have it just a tad easier at times. Maybe that's why we wear makeup more? And can find the time? Because we HAVE TO look human when we leave the house. If I didn't have to leave my house every morning at 8:15 (and face PEOPLE), I wouldn't wear makeup every day. Or shower. Does that make me less of a mom? Hell no. And having a dusty house means my kids are more important, and that's ok. In fact, it's wonderful. You're doing great momma!

Loved this post! I certainly don't think all ...

2012-01-10T07:24:49.576-08:00

Loved this post! I certainly don't think all mothers lie, but at the same time I believe that SOME of them tend to stretch the truth, make the rest of us feel like crap! I'm beginning to learn not to compare myself, and sometimes it's hard. A friend of mine blogged yesterday about comparing and made the statement that we are all different women, in different "seasons" of life, and our goals, habits, schedules, realities, etc., SHOULD be different from each other! And I'm trying to remember this. It will get better. My son slept thru the night from 8 weeks - but it's hit or miss now (he's 17 months) and my daughter will go one night all the way thru, and the next night be up twice or so. It's hit or miss. (she's almost 6 months).
And because I can't keep my mouth shut, aren't know-it-alls great? Like it's not enough to say "I understand where you're coming from" but of course they have to interject what they do and don't do, to make you feel even worse. Don't you wish YOU could be that amazing?? Please. Let's be honest. Even if this area of your life is perfect, what about the other areas? Whatever. Just be the best mom you can be and learn not to compare - I wish it was easy to learn! Here's hoping you get some sleep!