And So It Begins (Again)

Well, hello 2012.

It's the New Year, and finally - finally - I'm back at it around here.

We got home from our weeks away two days ago, and I've managed to finally - finally - unpack.

Am I the only one who returns with so much stuff from Christmas vacation that it literally takes them the better part of 48 hours to put it all away and clean up?

Really? Just me? Figures I'd take the non-minimalist holiday to the non-minimalist extreme.

Anyway, our tree is down; we've got a new toy chest full of new toys, and Ella is crawling.

While I've been hibernating for the last three weeks, we've entered a whole new realm. And not just because it's a new year, either.

It's funny because last year, when 2011 was new and fresh, I knew what the year would bring: A baby.

Half-way through, we were having our baby. It was our theme, anthem, and focal point for the entire 365 days of the year prior.

But now, being as our girl is 6.5 months old going on 40, and I am (happily) not pregnant, this year has a different kind of feel to it.

It's kind of surprising and inspiring and spontaneous and hopeful all in one.

After all, unlike 2011, 2012 has no pre-conceived notions.

In fact, in true military-spouse fashion, I'm really teetering on the precipice of spontaneity these days, thanks to the U.S. Navy.

We've just received word that we may not be moving in the next two months - we were prepared to be re-stationed come February.

But now, because my darn husband is just so darn good at his darn job, he's been put in the (very small) pile of sailors offered a promotion and an extension of two more years here.

We should know in the next few weeks.

Which means in the next few weeks, I'll be told if I'm moving four blocks over (to a nicer, bigger, more family-friendly home. Yippee!)

Or I'll be booted out not so gently and told to find a home in Georgia, California, Virginia, Washington, Japan, or, um, Guam.

Yippee?

Nothing like the possibility of total upheaval to keep life interesting.

Regardless, it's totally out of my control. And thus, I have little to no anxiety about it. (OK. That's a lie. I have a little. But only a little. And for me, that's saying something.)

It actually has been a good way to face this new year, thus far.

It's forced me to let go; it's forced me to step back and go, "I can't control this situation. What I can control is what I choose to do when this situation occurs. And I choose to thrive. No matter what."

It's kind of my take on the old "grow where you're planted."

If life gives me lemons, I'm not just going to make some lemonade. I'm going to research and re-affirm and re-approach my take on what my actions will be, and likely, I'll opt to make lemon meringue pie instead. And learn to love it. (What can I say? Meringue freaks me out.)

For me, 2012 is really all about intention.

My intention.

I have tried living my life for others - and I don't mean in a self-less way. I mean in the way where I say what others want to hear and do what others want me to do and write what others want me to write.

But in that, I got lost.

I became a slave to to-do lists and schedules and my extreme inability to say, "No. We're not doing that. It's just not where my priorities lie."

It's left me unable to bundle up and take a walk with my baby to look at leaves or enjoy the wind just because I want to; I can't bake a cake just because it's something I'd like to eat.

And I don't want to look down and find myself caught up so much in the drama that I didn't notice that my baby learned how to clap. (And she totally did last week. We're clapping fools around here.)

I don't want to plan a picture-perfect first birthday party and not get to live out her first birthday with her.

I want to approach her life - our lives - with intention. I want to be in the moment. Invested in what's going on. Living it.

Living in the moment. (Wait a minute. Where have I heard that before?)

So what will that look like?

Well, I'm going to invest more in what we do every day. I'm going to invest more time; I may even invest (a little) more money. The house projects, the crafts, the ideas I have. We're going to do them this year.

We'll have a craft/play room. We'll start a family quilt. I'll paint some of my older, more boring furniture bright colors and buy the few things my home needs, but I never let myself have.

I'm also going to invest more in this blog. I'm going back to blogging on Fridays. I want to share more of what I read and write and think and feel. I want to have the time to comment on your blogs instead of just reading them while nursing Ella.

I want to travel more. There are places and people that are close enough to me that I never see. There things I want to go do. There are times where my husband is gone for weeks on end, and if I could just muster up the courage to travel alone with my child, I could form great memories for us both. So, this year, I'm going. I haven't figured out the logistics of it, but mark my words, I will be a traveling mama, even if it means I load up the car with every piece of baby equipment I own just to survive the three hours up to our friend's home in North Carolina.

I'm going to work on me. In the last six months, I've let a lot go that I used to prioritize. I don't want that back, but I do want the focus I used to have for things that I need, emotionally and physically, to come back.

I'm about 15 pounds smaller than I was before I had Ella, and I haven't gotten a chance to celebrate it or even show it off.

Yoga and most of my strength training are inconsistent practices at best; I want to find a way to bring some of those back.

I want to attend more and do more and get involved in more causes close to my heart.

I want to stand up for what I believe in; in church, in social circles, at work, in life, in general.

I want to re-define how I see myself as a mom.

I want to see my piece of our life with intention.

I know; it sounds vague. It is vague. But I'm trying to not dwell so much in the specific and mundane anymore.

For me, it's about facing what life, God, and everybody else throws at me with purpose.

With good intention. An intention to make the best I can out of what I'm given.

That, in essence, is my New Year's resolution.

That's what I want for 2012.

***

What about yourselves? Any 2012 goals and plans? Vague or non-vague? I'd love to hear!

***

Happy Wednesday, everyone!