April's fools

Call me a stick-in-the-mud.

Call me a party pooper.

Call me a Springtime Scrooge.

But I hate April Fool's Day.

Hate it with the passion of a thousand-million jokesters laughing at a whoopy cushion.

I don't know what it is about this ad-hoc, unofficial holiday, but it bugs me.

I don't find it funny when people tell you your shoe's untied. And it's not. April Fools!

I don't find it funny when people pretend like they're mad at you. And they're not. April Fools!

And I don't find it funny when your students tell you they lost the school's most expensive video camera while out on a class assignment. When they didn't. April Fools!

When I was single, I used to give my then-boyfriend plenty of advanced warning not to pull the old, "Baby, I love you. Will you marry me?"... Just kidding! April Fools!" trick.

He was the kind of jerk that did stuff like that. And I was of the emotional bent to get wrecked by it.

So come March 1, I basically threatened his life if he so much as mentioned "love," "marriage," "April," and "fool" anywhere near each other throughout the next 30 days.

Because I'd be crushed. And furious - lit with the fire of a woman snubbed. I figured he deserved fair warning about my disorder - a distinct aversion and severe reaction to the celebration of cruel practical jokes.

But with that part of my life behind me, I still don't know what it is about the holiday that bothers me.

After all, I like a good surprise, and I take great joy in a funny joke. But being blatantly tricked by somebody you ostensibly know and likely care about for no good reason just gets under my skin in a way that even I can't control.

It seems insensitive; it seems mean. It seems like, underneath it all, you want me to run to my bedroom crying because I fell for it. Again.

And I worry.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing some key component of the human psyche? Did God skip me when he handed out the humor gene? Does this make me a stuffy, cruel, conservative fuddy-duddy? Are you all judging me right now because I'm openly admitting that I hate a fun-loving, silly, harmless, national holiday?

Because I am gullible. I do fall for silly jokes. Again and again.

And I don't find them funny. Again and again.

Last year, I fell for every blogger around who posted a whole "I feel it's time to end this blog for my own safety...JUST KIDDING!" post on April 1.

I actually got worked up about a few, worried about my friends and concerned for their well-being.

But when I saw the big, old, tell-tale "April Fool's!" at the end of each post, I almost screamed. And blushed a profuse shade of red all by myself, sitting behind my computer screen.

I'd fallen for it.

Again.

I try again, every year, to embrace the holiday.

I force a fake laugh when I find the proverbial "Kick Me" sign taped to my back. (Thank you, ninth-grade classmates!)

But I'm a poor actress. And my guffaw is obviously staged.

Because I just don't like April Fool's Day. It makes me want to kick all the jokesters of the world right in the back.

No sign required.

***

P.S. Happy Thursday everyone! And Happy April 1 - a perfectly normal day that deserves no observation or celebration in the slightest.

P.P.S. I know I'm being cranky, but I'm still sleep-deprived. I'll be back tomorrow with more cheer!