Let's blame it on the frontal lobe

I normally turn on National Public Radio to fill the empty space that is my classroom in the early morning hours before students arrive.

But last week, the NPR ramblings caught my attention when they began mentioning the "inadequacies of the adolescent mind."

Apparently, some researcher somewhere - who'd had one too many children who were currently driving her nuts in their teenage years - decided to study the brains of the world's most feared population: 12-18 year olds.

And what she found, quite honestly, explains so much about my hum-drum little job that I was blown away.

Let me explain it in English-teacher layman's terms:

It seems that teenagers have connection issues. Parts of their brain aren't fully attached yet. More specifically, they have dis-attached frontal lobes, meaning that the connection that happens in adults that allows us to act on logical, practical decisions doesn't exist in adolescents.

In other words, they know the right plan of action, but they still often choose the stupid path less traveled by.

Poor, dis-attached, angst-y teens. Their free-floating frontal lobes render them completely incapable of acting rationally.

Bless their little hearts.

Now, this all seems well and good - and obscenely abstract - until you spend most of your time around teenagers.

Then you really get an up-close-and-personal look at the havoc their frontal lobes wreak.

Because just last week...

I had a student tell me was I a) "really old" and b) "past my prime." All because I'm over the age of 22. She acted surprised when I was insulted.

I had another student attempt to leap over a large projector. Very unsuccessfully.

One kid sat on a space heater and burnt a whole in his jeans. He also singed his bum.

And yet another teenage boy wouldn't sit on anything my entire class because he said it ruined his "swagger." He stood in the back of the room taking notes and leaning on the bookshelf the entire time.

What can I say? I pick my battles.

The truth is, I constantly have students make poor choices. Every day, they do idiotic little things that make you wonder, "Why in the heck did they think that was a good idea? Are they stupid?"

The answer, it turns out?

Yes. Yes, they are.

And it's all because of their darn frontal lobes.

Still, there's always one or two students who exceed expectations, beat the odds, and attach that frontal lobe to the rest of their brain before the rest of their peers can say "Uhhhh..."

For instance, yesterday, I had a student answer a writing prompt about what her perfect world would look like.

Her response?

"If someone wasn't a productive member of society, I'd set up a system to dispose of them. So, if you could not perform your job to the best of your ability, you'd be off-ed. There would be a lot of jobs available - some in the home, some in the workplace. For instance, women of child-bearing years would be allowed to raise children in the home, but once they were no longer able to bear children and were incapable of working elsewhere, I'd get rid of them. This would improve our society by making sure we are competitive. Those of us left would be the best of the best."

Something tells me her frontal lobe attached itself a little bit too tight.

Sounds like I've got the makings of a genocidal tyrant on my hands. All in the bouncy, bubbly body of a 14-year-old little girl.

A bouncy, bubbly, 14-year-old little girl who's probably about to off me simply because I don't have any children yet.

Frankly, I'm a little scared now.

Scared enough to have changed my mind.

I'll take the kid who leaps over the projector any day.

Free-floating frontal lobe and all.

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Happy Tuesday everyone!