Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Here's to being resolute!

I have a thing for resolutions.

Being abnormally task-oriented, I find myself freakishly motivated by lists and goals.

And so, at the beginning of every year, I take great joy in creating the mack-daddy of all to-do lists: New Year's Resolutions.

Of course, my momentum tends to wane when I can't accomplish everything on my list in a period of about 24 hours.

So the whole year-long resolution concept is a bit null and void for me.

I'm quite sure I don't remember a single resolution from last year; not a one.

But then again, last year, I didn't have a blog, which just so happens to serve as an excellent social networking tool, but can also do double-duty as a Commitment-Enforcing Officer - i.e., once I put it out on the World Wide Web, it never truly goes away.

In essence, I have to do it. (Or perish from the public humiliation I'll surely receive after I admit that I did not do a single one of the three things I intended to accomplish this year. For shame!)

It's a bit of a trial by fire, but in this case, I feel it might be necessary.

So, what do I hope to accomplish all the livelong year?

What does 2010 hopefully hold for me? What are my must-dos for the next 12 months?

And, most importantly, what will you have to read about incessantly for the next 365 days? (My sincerest apologies, in advance.)
1. I intend to create more community.
I have this nasty little habit of prioritizing necessary tasks over social opportunities. For instance, after I got married, I found myself forgoing time with friends to stay home and finish all the dirty laundry. Or I'd insist that before I was allowed to go grab dinner with some close confidantes, I had to finish writing my holiday thank-you notes.

I cut phone calls short to go make dinner; I interacted less with the women around me because I'd choose to stay home and bang out some project instead of going shopping or to a pottery class.

I blamed it on the fact that I spent most of my working days surrounded by needy teenagers and my nights surrounded by adults I was in charge of training; I maintained that, sometimes, I just needed to be alone, even if that meant sitting on top of my washing machine folding underwear instead of having a cup of tea with a friend.

But seeing as how I'm soon moving to an entirely new city - where I know approximately zero people - I can't do that anymore. There won't be my stand-by group of friends waiting for me to emerge from my freshly laundered solitude.

The fact is, I won't have any friends there.

If I want them, I'm going to have to make them.

I'm going to have to drop the broom and dustpan and get back out there; back out into the real world. I'm going to have to join a women's group at church, participate in a book club, bake with my neighbor, or - eek! - join a complete group of strangers for a playdate.

I didn't realize how difficult this would be for me until I went to my first blogger meet-up last week. Seriously, I was so nervous, I almost talked myself out of going. I was sweating like a pig by the time I got myself there with "What if they don't like me?" fears.

Thankfully, the women I met there were wonderful. I was reluctant to leave - after chatting with them for more than four hours! I sincerely felt like I'd been in the presence of long-time friends.
From Left to Right: Jess from All-American Jess, Justine from Almost There, Lil' Woman from Little Woman, Little Home, and me
It was as I was driving away from these lovely ladies that I realized how important it would be for me to participate in other "play-dates," of sorts.

A girl can only do so much laundry before she gets lonely.

2. I want to focus on peace, not perfection.
I take multi-vitamins, but barely sleep six hours a night. I run, cycle and lift weights, but rarely stretch or do self-massage. I want a baby, but have a coffee addiction so severe I'm afraid to see what will happen when I have to quit cold turkey when I get pregnant.

I'm one big, walking oxymoron.

For so long, my life was about being healthy and attractive. Even if that meant drinking fake sweeteners, eating fat-free, rubbery cheese, and running until my feet were so swollen that I couldn't stand on my own most mornings.

As a trainer, I'm all too aware of the difference between healthy and high-strung, and I'll be totally honest, I flirt with the line in between a bit too frequently.

So this year, I'm vowing to sleep more, to practice more yoga, to cut way back on caffeine, and to eat to nourish my body - not to shape it.

I want to be at peace with life and my body's processes, instead of focusing on how my body appears or what it's supposed to be doing. I'm going to learn to accept the fact that my body will not ever appear as it did when I was 21; that my body is inevitably going to change when I get pregnant; that my hips will probably not be any worse for the wear if I don't do cardio six days a week.

Even if that means I - gasp! - gain a couple of pounds. (Quick Note: I deleted and re-wrote that last sentence four times. Obviously, I'm still not totally comfortable with the idea. This is going to be an interesting year, me thinks.)

3. I hope to pray more and control less.
I worry. All the time.

I worry about car accidents and the war in the Middle East and how many trans-fats there are in my husband's lunch.

And because I worry, I cry. A lot.

I get so freaked out that I often break down into tears. All the time.

And if I'm not crying, I'm usually trying to manhandle God's will - and everyone else's, for that matter - under my control. I'm constantly arm-wrestling for a sense of power or a sense of security. (Boy, I sound like a bit of a tyrant here, don't I?)

I find it very hard to have uncertainty in my life; I find it very hard to just let things happen. I much prefer to make them happen.

In fact, if I had my way, I'd schedule when it would be most convenient for them to happen.

Except, when trying to schedule and win a Thumb War against myself and life in general, I often lose.

And then, the tears kick in again.

So this year, I'm going to release my destiny, if you will.

I'm going to let it happen when God intends it to happen; I'm not going to man-handle my existence into the box that I deem satisfactory, even if I cry myself to death from the discomfort it causes me.

I may put my desires out there in prayer, maybe even voice them among my friends, but then, I'm going to let them go.

I'm not going to fixate on things that have to happen or things that must be done a certain way.
Because when I do, it makes me a bear to live with (my poor husband,) and it makes me unhappy. (Poor me!)

I'll do what I can do to make life great for my husband, myself, my family, and those around me.

And the rest I'm leaving up to Someone wiser - and far less tearful - than me.
So cross your fingers and say a little prayer that we all get what we're resolute about in 2010.

I know I'm already thinking months ahead, dreaming of babies and an easy, successful move by the East Coast.

And I'm really hoping these three resolutions will prepare me for whatever changes the next 12 months hold.

So here's to the New Year! May it bring us all our hearts' desire!

Happy Tuesday everyone!


Adorably Distracted... said...

Loved your goals!! I can relate to all of them in some way, shape or form!! glad you had fun on your blogger meet up!

The Stay at Home Wifey said...

Wow, what a heartfelt open post. I'll be standing with you in prayer this coming year, as you relocate, adjust to being a forces wife, and make that transition to motherhood. There is a baby boom going on at my Church and I'll be praying you get to be part of the baby boom too.


Mrs EyeCanSee said...

I think these goal are a wonderful compromise to the typical resoultions! These seem like things you can most definitely accomplish! (and thank goodness I didn't have to read one more blog that started with....lose "X" amount of weight)

Katie said...

I wish I lived in Florida at that moment :(

That is all.

Erin said...

I totally feel you on the letting go part. I'm so exhausted with worrying and crying and wishing things were different. I firmly believe that 2010 is the year of change! I'm currently working on some things (will post about it soon- promise!) that I think will make a huge difference in my life for the better. I can't wait to see what else 2010 has to offer!

Abbie said...

I worry too. A lot. And my husband is the exact opposite so that makes it hard because I sometimes wish that he was a worrier too so I didn't have to do all the worrying by myself. So I'll work on that with you!

Lucy Marie said...

Those are great, goal-oriented and focused goals. You are so motivated and strong willed - I know you will achieve them. Praying over you right now that God will grant you that peace you are seeking, and that He will stir your heart to relinquish control to Him - where it belongs. Blessings to you in 2010!

Becky K. said...

That last goal might just be the one that puts all of the rest of them together. Trusting God with absolutely everything brings peace and joy that translates into the rest of our lives.

I still struggle with the "letting go" but when I am successful at this all is very good!

Hoping you enjoy your new city and meet awesome friends!

Becky K.

Natalie said...

These are great resolutions! Good luck!

Mrs. Potts said...

I adore you.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, you WILL have a built in friend - even though I may be a few hours away. I'm close by & will be on call if you need me, dear friend.

You put together an amazing list & once again an amazing post. I'm always inspired by you.

Gwen said...

I love your list. I decided not to make resolutions this year. I'm just going to work on being a better person for 2010. Starting with being a better mom for Ellie, wife to Brian, etc. all the way down to a better shopper. LOL!!! XOXO

Sherri said...

I am dreaming of babies for you too.... ;)

Elizabeth said...

I think that community is SO important to have!! Great #1!! :-) Enjoy your week!

Molly Lou Gifts said...

We are so similar and I learn more about our similarities each time I read a post of yours. I worry all the time too. I worry about the most ridiculous things all of the time.

I'm so glad that you had fun at the meet up last week. I was thinking about it. I have such anxiety about making new friends and you would think that as much as I have moved over the years, it would be easy. It is not, but I know that everyone will love you and I hope you love moving up the coast. I can't wait to be able to actually hang out with you and we can sit around drinking coffee and worrying out socks off. :)

Hope your first day back went well.

Jessica said...

Great resolutions! I think I could work on all three of those as well, especially the second one. Good luck!! I don't know about you, but I'm so excited to see what this year has in store :-)

Nat said...

I worry about everything and turn everything into a worse case scenario, and I can't help myself! So I can totally relate, I think I'm going to steal your ideas for that one.

Jess said...

Thanks for putting into words what I believe many of us feel and cannot express about letting go and setting our priories straight.

You are loved for what you are, so relax and just be.

Susannah said...

THese are great resolutions, you can do them all! It's hard to let go of controlling things, but it's for the best! I have problems with it too. Glad you had such fun with the bloggy buddies-we have to get our meet up situated-beg, potts, me, you, who else? :D

Samantha said...

I LOVE these resolutions. Hang tough!

Jess said...

I love your goals..... and this post.... and I still love the fact that we got to meet.

They will love you in South Carolina. If they give you one bit of lip about it, let your Floridian bloggy friends know about it. We'll take a road trip and beat them up.

Oxymoron.... me.

Worry.... me.

I'm going to take a page from this post and try to work on those same things.

Kelsey Claire said...

That all sounds fantastic!

Just Add Walter said...

sounds great!! Where in SC are you guys moving?? I am right up in NC if you ever need a friend!!

Kassie said...

I'm pretty jealous you had a FL blogger meetup and I was out of town! Though I'm a bit far. :) Love the resolutions, keep strong!

Lil' Woman said...

Great list...I enjoyed meeting you and the other girls soo much. I wanted to shove all of you's in my car and take you home and be friends forever..lol :)

But seriously I was sad to go and I hope we can do it again sometime!

Ashley @ {Let Go, Laughing} said...

wow it so weird to read someone else saying almost exactly what i deal with on a daily basis! i deal with the worry thing all the time and have a lot of the same issues it sounds like when it comes to it. i cry about it a lot and have ridiculous thoughts and the hardest thing about it for me is the unknown or uncertainty of life... i struggle with it daily!

just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! i know it helps me to know that others out there struggle with similar things too and i'm not just crazy!

Michelle said...

Great resolutions! It is already the 10th but I still need write mine out not just because it is the new year but because it is always good to have goals.

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